I gave a little presentation the other day on attachment styles and how a parent’s style can positively or negatively impact a parent’s ability to raise a beautiful and challenging child. When all was said and done, it seemed I focused too much on the negative. I wish I could only focused on the positive. I guess I believe that we often are so strength-based in our approaches to parent education and intervention that we don’t help parents see how they can change themselves to change their relationship with their hurting child.
When parents come into my office seeking help for their child, it is usually their attachment style that has gotten in the way of them being effective and loving with their child from difficult beginnings. It is not the parent’s fault. It is a secret about parenting rarely brought into the light. Many of us are traumatized by our own experiences in childhood and life. That trauma can interfere with our ability to weather the chronic maladaptive states of children who are also traumatized.
If you want to focus on the positive, then do attachment promoting parenting, therapeutic parenting–high nurture, high structure. Attunement, engagement, play, empathy, understanding and connection are the keys to healing attachment and trauma wounds in children and adults. When you find you are unable to do those things on a regular basis, you probably need to look within at your own history of trauma and attachment.
The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled forFebruary 20th and 27th from 12noon to 4pm. $200 per couple. Childcare available for $30 each day. To sign up email Jen@attachplace.com and she will register you.
Monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every secondWednesday of the month from 5:30pm to 7:30pm. Group and Childcare are Free.
Look for Ce Eshelman’s Upcoming Book
Drowning With My Hair On Fire
Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents
Expected Publication Date: February 15, 2016
Drowning with My Hair On Fire is a compilation of over 175 daily support letters to parents of adoptive children and other children from difficult beginnings. With a forward by Dave Ziegler, Ph.D. and a brief personal memoir, this publication is a response to blog-reader requests for a book of letters that can be easily returned to day after day, when inspiration is hard to find.
Praise for Drowning with My Hair On Fire…
This woman saved our family. This book will save your sanity! After years (and many therapists) of getting it wrong, Ce Eshelman got our traumatized family on the right path to attachment, sanity, and big big love. Ce’s unique therapy is grounded in the latest brain research, her own struggles raising traumatized children, and work with hundreds of families like ours. Her stories, contained in this book, are our stories: full of pain, confusion, hope, faith, love and practical magic that really works.
Elaine Smith, Adoptive Mother
Ce’s daily blog has been a lifesaver, particularly when days are most dreary and hopeless. Not only have her words of empathy proven to be priceless to our family, but I have often forwarded them on to others. Such a comfort to feel understood, with no judgment.
Patty O’Hair, Adoptive Mother
In a real sense “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” is a daily mediation of struggle, success, failure and getting up and trying again. If that sounds like too much to subject yourself to then don’t adopt a challenging child. And one more thing, shouldn’t we require prospective adoptive parents to read “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” rather than another ‘All they need is love’ manual?
Dave Ziegler, Ph.D., founder of Jasper Mountain Center and author of many books on raising children from difficult beginnings.