As far as I can tell, most people have little idea what they are getting into when they first adopt a child from difficult beginnings. Many are looking for a family life with children, and what they get is a complex traumatized child smack in the middle of their perfectly beautiful lives. If parents adopt more than once, they usually know the name of the game of adoption and have decided this is their new life mission–raising children from difficult beginnings.
If you have adopted a child from difficult beginnings, like it or not, you have a new life mission–healing the heart and mind of a child who doesn’t know s/he needs healing. Embrace it. Find joy and fulfillment in the journey. That is the answer to happiness and satisfaction in the child rearing years.
The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled for February 20th and 27th from 12 noon to 4 pm. $200 per couple. Childcare available for $30 each day. To sign up email Jen@attachplace.comand she will register you.
Monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every second Wednesday of the month from 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm. Group and childcare are free. Come join us for support. Everyone is welcome.
Look for Ce Eshelman’s Upcoming Book
Drowning With My Hair On Fire
Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents
Expected Release Date: February 15, 2016
Drowning with My Hair On Fire is a compilation of over 175 daily support letters to parents of adoptive children and other children from difficult beginnings. With a Forward by Dave Ziegler, Ph.D. and a brief personal memoir, this publication is a response to blog-reader requests for a book of letters that can be easily returned to day after day, when inspiration is hard to find.
Praise for Drowning with My Hair On Fire…
Ce’s words provide insight and relief on so many levels: practical advice based on brain research on how to do this thing called “therapeutic parenting;” emotional balm when life with my attachment challenged child goes on tilt; deep empathy and understanding because she’s walked in my shoes; refreshing honesty about her own struggles and failings; applause for a tiny step forward and encouragement to keep on going. I need these words, sometimes like I need air to breathe!
You have been a God-send for our family.
Debi Zacharia, Adoptive Mother
In one of our first sessions with Ce, she told us that before we could work on our trauma and attachment challenged child, we needed to work on me (mom). I believe I may have audibly gasped. Work on “me”? I’M fine. I’M not the problem. I was oozing righteous indignation. Then came D-Day, when our parenting skills were failing us, and my mind desperately grasped for Ce’s pearls of wisdom. With no loss of life, limb, sanity, or self-respect, we witnessed a profound moment of therapeutic parenting success; our epiphany. What we’ve learned from Ce is that it isn’t about us not being good parents, or the right parents, it is about how to be this traumatized child’s parent. Ce’s daily blogs have been invaluable lessons on how to effectively, lovingly engage a traumatized child when they’re melting inside, and her calming words have had a way of talking me down from my ledge – reminding me that “love matters”.
Kim Petersen, Adoptive Mother
Ce Eshelman’s daily blog is a therapeutic beacon to guide anyone who feels lost in their efforts to understand, support, and teach attachment challenged, special needs, and easily dysregulated children. Ce brings an empathic and hopeful voice to those caring for kids who have been impacted by trauma and the significant barriers stress has presented to their healthy brain development. As a professional and a parent, I have benefitted immeasurably from her wisdom.”
Brenda Vaccaro, Psy.D., Founder & Attachment Specialist, SPARK Center for Psychology, Sacramento, CA
Ce Eshelman is the real deal. She’s one of those rare gems who deeply cares about the people she serves. She is willing to freeze frame and blow up her mistakes for you to see so you can avoid the same pitfalls. She then points to the path of secure attachment. The book itself is a secure base you can return to again and again when things get difficult at home. Drowning with My Hair on Fire is just the medicine you need.
Jennifer Olden, LMFT, Certified EFT Therapist
Ce’s daily blog has been a lifesaver, particularly when days are most dreary and hopeless. Not only have her words of empathy proven to be priceless to our family, but I have often forwarded them on to others. Such a comfort to feel understood, with no judgment.
Patty O’Hair, Adoptive Mother
Foster and adoptive parents often face very daunting challenges not experienced by people raising their biological children; how much more so for those raising children with attachment challenges. Full of the painful honesty of raw truth and lessons learned the hard way – as well as grateful humor – Eshelman’s Drowning with My Hair on Fire is an anchor of solid support for these parents and a helpful reference for helping others to understand this rocky path. It is a generous and loving book. As Ce always reminds us, Love Matters.
David Hafter, LMFT, Author of Growing Balls: Personal Power for Young Men
This woman saved our family. This book will save your sanity! After years (and many therapists) of getting it wrong, Ce Eshelman got our traumatized family on the right path to attachment, sanity, and big big love. Ce’s unique therapy is grounded in the latest brain research, her own struggles raising traumatized children, and work with hundreds of families like ours. Her stories, contained in this book, are our stories: full of pain, confusion, hope, faith, love and practical magic that really works.
Elaine Smith, Adoptive Mother
In a real sense “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” is a daily mediation of struggle, success, failure and getting up and trying again. If that sounds like too much to subject yourself to then don’t adopt a challenging child. And one more thing, shouldn’t we require prospective adoptive parents to read “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” rather than another ‘All they need is love’ manual?
Dave Ziegler, Ph.D., founder of Jasper Mountain Center and author of many books on raising children from difficult beginnings.