When I First Adopted, I Wish…

Dear Parents,

I read an article today from Adoptive Families that stimulated my own thinking.  I am pretty sure this is summed up in my book, but here is the short version.

When I first adopted my children, I wish…

…I knew that therapeutic parenting was a thing and that I had read two books in particular:  The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis and David Cross and Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes.

…On day one, I had put into practice everything I read in the two books noted above.

…I had done my own trauma work before adoption so that I had a start on healing wounds from my childhood, a jump on understanding the nature of dysregulation, and a huge toolbox full of self- and other-regulation remedies.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

…I had deeply understood that parenting a child from difficult beginnings was about attending to the deep loss, pain, and needs of the child.  I thought parenting was about getting to love and be loved by a child.  That was a child-like and naive notion.  I really had no idea.

…I had put into place a large support circle to help my family through the tough times and to celebrate the breakthroughs and good times.

…I had been firm about the right things–respect, kindness, regulation–and forgiving about everything else–broken rules, broken promises, broken vases.

If you are at the beginning of your adoption journey, take heart and a little advice. If you are in the middle, it is never too late to start.

Love matters,


NEW THERAPEUTIC PARENTING WEBINAR: 6-Week Interactive Therapeutic Parenting Webinar, August 1 through September 7, 2017.  Register here.

UPCOMING GROUP:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 12th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Free child care provided.

TRY MY BOOK: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.


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