What’s Old Is Now Again

Hello Parents,

If your child had a traumatic beginning, many behaviors will seem crazy and irrational to you.  Rest assured, your child is not crazy.  S/he is pre-disposed from early maltreatment, deprivation, and neglect to Complex Developmental Trauma. Trauma causes children to lose contact with what is going on in the present and to begin acting and reacting to some reminder of the old trauma as though it were happening now.

  • Attachment Help

    The Attach Place
    Center for Strengthening Relationships

    When you say no, your child may be triggered into deprivation reactions.When you are going somewhere, your leaving may trigger your child into attachment panic.

  • When you show urgency or frustration, your child may dissociate or collapse into a freeze survival response.
  • When you take parental control, your child may feel out-of-control, which triggers fight behaviors–spitting, hitting, clawing, nasty words, screaming, rejecting, running away, and withdrawal.
  • When hungry, tired, or stressed, your child may be triggered into irrational thinking that spreads to accusations, tantrums, arguing, demanding, refusal, and aggression.

Use playfulness, time, consistency, and patience.  Therapeutic parenting requires using your intellectual abilities to override your natural emotional reactions. In this way, you will be better able to stay strong and steady.  Get breaks so you can regulate yourself for the long-haul.

Breathe, breathe, breathe through your own over-arousal in response to your child’s reactivity.

Love matters,


Join our monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group!  Open to all adoptive parents at no cost.

Support group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6pm to 8pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Child care provided at no cost.

Get your discounted copy of Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.

Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.

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