Parenting traumatized, attachment challenged children gets tiring to the point of a fugue state comparable to something out of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. I truly understand the tendency to relax structure just to take a break from the emotional push/pull of therapeutic parenting.
Sadly, relaxing structure will not do you or your kids any favor in the long run. Every time you allow your child to slide on matters of respect, control, tasks, restorative justice, and plenty of other things, you are reinforcing negative, hard-wired processes and setting your child’s healing back a few steps. If it happens often, daily, or maybe multiple times a day, then new neuro-pathways will not form and old patterns will persist.
What do I mean, exactly? Well, when you let your child run ahead of you without permission in a store, parking lot, friend’s house; when you allow disrespectful retorts to stand without a do-over; when your child hits you and you yell instead of intervene with a therapeutic correction; when you let chores slide because you don’t want the hassle; when you have a shutdown protest on therapeutic parenting because you are fed up and tuckered out, you are creating more of the problem. Avoiding therapeutic corrections will lead to more need for corrections that you will in turn avoid. See how that cycle goes?
Face the hassle of therapeutic correction every time your child is in a negative feedback behavior for maximum healing. Get plenty of respite so you can be the regulated parent your hurting child deserves.
This is one of the best attachment and trauma conferences in the U.S. If you have never been, consider a trip to St. Louis in September 2016. For more information, click here.
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The next 8-hr. Attachment- and Trauma-informed Therapeutic Parenting Workshop is specially scheduled for one day–July 23rd–from 9am to 5pm. We usually hold the training on two days, but this is an exception for those who cannot find time on two consecutive Saturdays to attend a training. To register, go to attachplace.com/shop. Childcare provided for an additional fee.