This is going to sound familiar, even a little repetitious, but you know what repetition is for–creating new habits. Here goes. Children who had difficult early beginnings of maltreatment and attachment loss have had to focus all their development toward building self-defense mechanisms while pushing down their potential for relationships. Survival strategies that block the development of trust and love are created to coexist in a hostile, neglectful or hurtful environment with poor care and a fierce dependence on self-reliance is honed to perfection. We adoptive parents tend to call this oppositional and controlling. Really, it is a brain wired for self defense in a life threatening environment.
Our job, as therapeutic parents, is to be safe, structured, predictable and non-reactive to our children, so they can learn to trust and accept parenting. We have to bring the love blocking behavior gently into their worldview and ask for a re-do every time it shows up. In this way, we begin to rewire the brain processes that lead to stronger relationships and increased trust.
Our monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6pm to 8pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Child care provided at no cost. Sign up at www.attachplace.com.
Our next 9a-5pm Trust-based Therapeutic Parent Training will be on January 7th, 2017. 2017!!!