The Freedom to Not Know

YOU are a fabulous human.  How do I know?  I know because YOU are raising a child/children from difficult beginnings and spending every ounce of your life-force doing it.  By definition, YOU are fabulous.  Bask in it.  YOU deserve the pat on the back, the adoration, the gold star, the love, and the gentleness of self-love.
I was probably 35-years-old before I had an epiphany that it was okay to say these three words: “I don’t know.” Thank goodness I found that humility in my 30s, because I adopted attachment challenged children in my 40s and I didn’t have a clue what to do. My previous well-constructed life was suddenly turned upside down and I was stunned to find out just how much I didn’t know.
If you follow my email blog YOU know I am prone to hyperbole (kind of to entertain YOU and kind of to entertain myself), but in this case I am not exaggerating.  My children came home to me at 2 and 3-years-old and within six-months they were swinging from the proverbial chandeliers and I had no idea what to do. 
There was no shame in my not knowing, just as there is no shame in YOU not knowing. It is an imperative that YOU get support from people who “get YOU.”  Other adoptive parents will.  Find a therapist with whom YOU can be real–“I feel like strangling him.” That is a feeling, NOT child abuse.  Actually strangling her IS child abuse.  Wanting to strangle him is reality. Admit it, and it will set YOU free. Find someone to talk to who gets it.  YOU need that to find your way to the other side–determination to be a safe, predictable, loving, and tenacious therapeutic parent.
Love Matters,
The Attach Place Logo
Ce Eshelman, LMFT 
Huge shout out to those of YOU who have given so generously to our Love Matters Scholarship Fund. YOU know who YOU are: Mary, Patti, Sharon, Mike, Ann, Greg, Sarah, Tom. 

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