Sometimes my brain feels like scrambled eggs from all the chatter around me. Children from difficult beginnings are masters at filling the air with random talk. They are often highly anxious and highly habituated to being distracting so they can get attention without having to be real, present, or intimate–all three of which are frightening for them beyond expression.
This is actually child abuse.
Habituation is the problem. Habits are formed when a child from difficult beginnings has intolerable, overwhelming feelings that have been quieted by some kind of behavior, usually negative. When securely attached children have overwhelming feelings, they seek the comfort of a safe parent for soothing. If the attachment is damaged for some reason, then a child may seek other ways of meeting their needs, promoting the allusion that keeping distance will keep them from being frightened, getting hurt or experiencing abandonment. Those other ways become as habituated as hugs are in a secure child.
Habits must be broken, stopped dead in their tracks, before one can ever really know what feelings lie beneath.
That’s were YOU come in. Get a clear routine you follow, no matter what, when a negative behavior shows up–like random chattering that threatens to scramble your sanity.
The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships
Practice appropriate social engagement with your child–yep, role play.
Don’t answer nonsensical questions. Say, “Nope, try again. ‘
Don’t answer the same question twice. Say, “Nope, try again.”
Withhold threats, frustration, and angry expressions.
Be a very good, calm, broken record. If YOU can discipline yourself, your child can stop the chatter habit.
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist
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