Side-By-Side

Whew, having two attachment challenged adult children in the house is fun, just like having two 12-year-olds on a mixture of Crack and Downers.  When our kids turn 18 they are adults, right? Not quite, they just think they are.  Still, for their sense of well-being it is important for me to support them in managing their new found freedom.  It is a lot like pushing two boulders up a hill while having the appearance of walking side-by-side.  Very tricky.  I could get smashed.
You are living here more independently now, so you have to take responsibility for your stuff, dishes, visits with friends, and money, I say encouragingly.  Lots of head bobbing and excitement when I say this, because both of them only heard four words–visits with friends and money. Everything that came before, poof, like magic never happened.
When I came home from work yesterday at 7:30pm to a sink full–and I mean FULL–with dishes, my son says, “Mom, don’t worry, I’m going to do these.”  Cool–he is showing a sense of noticing, accepting responsibility, and providing assurance.
This morning when I woke up, the sink was FULL and spilling over onto both sides of the counters. Running out the door, my son yells, “Mom, I’m going to do those when I get home. Don’t worry.”  Apparently he thinks I worry about dishes a lot.
About this time my other budding adult shuffles in wearing neon pink ear-muff-like headphones and matching fuzzy jammie shorts with “Bunny Butt” printed in large white letters across, you know.  She is getting more food in more dishes that I know she will put somewhere, maybe the floor.  I say, It’s  pretty messy in here, to which she responds in a near inaudible, distracted whisper, “Yeah,” then wonders out slurping milk from the bowl.
This is going to be interesting.  The good new is my lid is firmly affixed with Super Brain Glue, so there will be no flipping it, right?  Right.
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place Logo The Attach Place provides a monthly no fee Trust-based Adoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2nd Wednesday of each month.  Next group is June 10th at 6pm. Come join us.  Online RSVP each month required.   Child care provided.
We had a fun first half of the 10-hr. Trust-based Parenting Course  over the weekend.  Looking forward to Day 2 on Saturday.  Next course–July 25th and August 1st, 10am to 3pm each day.  Child care provided for an extra fee. Sign-up online at www.attachplace.com.
The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans.  Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.
Feel free to send this link to friends or family members who you would like to receive Daily YOU Time: Wisdom for Adoptive Parents.

Very tricky balance of structure and nurture for our 
budding adults.
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