Sometimes YOU might hear criticism about your parenting in my emails and I most desperately want YOU to know that that is the last thing I would like to heap upon YOU. I want to freely give YOU love and understanding. I have lived very near your shoes, if not in them. I truly do not blame YOU for what life has dished out.
That said, I do want to give YOU the benefit of some of the lessons I have learned along the way of raising my attachment challenged babies, children, teens, and now, adults. My education as a psychotherapist taught me nothing close to what I needed to help heal the broken hearts of my children. Similarly, my education taught me nothing about how to love children who are too afraid to let my love in and to love me back. I wish a professional had been on the side of my family when my children first came home to me, but I searched far and wide and turned up very few who truly understood attachment challenge. Being a regular income person, I didn’t have the means to access treatment on the East Coast or in Europe where I found some glimmers of hope. Instead, I had to read books, tomes actually, and make calls all over the world. Sometimes, I tried to talk with people who didn’t really speak American English. Those were costly and futile attempts.
In the end, I experimented. I tried what was published at the time. Created some things. Missed some things. I loved. I had successes. I failed. I nearly ended it all. That is the truth.
Today, I can honestly say that I am grateful for the journey. I have grown, changed, explored, and become a new person along the way. My children are their own people with their own trajectories. That is what I KNOW today that I didn’t know in the beginning. I hope my account of this helps YOU in some way. That is always my sincere hope for all of this unbecoming self disclosure–that my journey can benefit YOU and your sweet babies.
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
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