Scared Senseless

As a parent, I know what it is like to be scared senseless by TV movies about attachment challenged children, about News reports of foster children killing parents, and my imagination in the face of truly unbelievable, unrelenting shenanigans by my children.  Much of my own dysregulation was caused by my ever present fear of the future hovering around me.  Sometimes I could feel the breath of fear, rank and hot on my neck.
Do yourself a favor:  only think of your children in the present. They are not your future nightmare.  They are children. They are hurting children. Difficult?  Oh yes.  Hurting and hurtful? Certainly. Criminals and killers?  Not usually.  Can they become criminals and killers?  Yes, just like the rest of the population. News flash: most criminals and killers are raised by their biological parents.
Put your fears away and bring your empathy, tenacity, and love out for the rest of their childhood.  Don’t let the sensational, unusual, or imaginal destroy your ability to love freely with hope now. Remember that attachment challenged brains are delayed emotionally.  Even if you have a terrible teen, calculate the true emotional age. Still pretty darned young, right?
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place Logo The Attach Place provides a monthly no fee Trust-based Adoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2nd Wednesday of each month.  Next group is June 10th. Come join us.  Online RSVPeach month required.   Child care provided.
Next 10-hr. Trust-based Parenting Course  happens tomorrow–May 16th and May 23th, 10am to 3pm each day.  Child care provided for an extra fee. Sign-up online at
The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans.  Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.
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Love and fear are not compatible companions.
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