Regulation Is Peace

So, today I come home at 6:30pm to chores not done and a “play it off” lie that they were.  Silly me, I bought it, too.  Then, when I silently spied the overflowing recycling, my son rushes in saying, “Oh shoot Mom, I forgot the recycling. I’ll do it right now.”  
 
I say “No problem.”  
 
Then I get to the laundry room and there is zero stinky-boy laundry swishing around.  “Oh wow Mom, I meant to start that.  I’ll do that right now,” he says in a kind of overly compliant and slightly anxious voice.
 
Now, I’m on to him.  He didn’t do any of his chores.  One might call me naive, but really it is “hope springing eternal.”
 
The beautiful thing is that I had no dysregulation. None. I had no disappointment.  No frustration.  No anger.  Weirdly, I felt empathy for how hard it is for my son to do what he is supposed to do without being told every second.  The note I leave on the counter every single morning with the three chores list, the reminder to do chores first, and the time I will be home with “X’s and O’s Mom” is not enough to keep him on track.
 
I think he wants to please me, but–like forgetting Mother’s Day after eating a Mother’s Day brunch with a friend and his mom before coming home from an overnight–he can’t really remember to do it.  
 
See: my “hope springs eternal.” This is what I know. Regulation is peace.  Do everything YOU can to get regulated, because you can do everything you can to get your attachment challenged child to remember to get the chores done, and you might not ever get that to happen on a regular basis.
 
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place Logo The Attach Place provides a monthly no fee Trust-based Adoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2nd Wednesday of each month.  Next group is May 13th. Come join us.  Online RSVPeach month required.   Child care provided.
Next 10-hr. Trust-based Parenting Course  is planned for May 16th and May 23th, 10am to 3pm each day.  Child care provided for an extra fee. Sign-up online at www.attachplace.com.
The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans.  Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.
Feel free to send this link to friends or family members who you would like to receive Daily YOU Time: Wisdom for Adoptive Parents.

Regulation is peace.  Get some.
grow-bottom1.gif grow-bottom2.gif grow-bottom3.gif

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.