Regulation Is Peace

So, today I come home at 6:30pm to chores not done and a “play it off” lie that they were.  Silly me, I bought it, too.  Then, when I silently spied the overflowing recycling, my son rushes in saying, “Oh shoot Mom, I forgot the recycling. I’ll do it right now.”  
I say “No problem.”  
Then I get to the laundry room and there is zero stinky-boy laundry swishing around.  “Oh wow Mom, I meant to start that.  I’ll do that right now,” he says in a kind of overly compliant and slightly anxious voice.
Now, I’m on to him.  He didn’t do any of his chores.  One might call me naive, but really it is “hope springing eternal.”
The beautiful thing is that I had no dysregulation. None. I had no disappointment.  No frustration.  No anger.  Weirdly, I felt empathy for how hard it is for my son to do what he is supposed to do without being told every second.  The note I leave on the counter every single morning with the three chores list, the reminder to do chores first, and the time I will be home with “X’s and O’s Mom” is not enough to keep him on track.
I think he wants to please me, but–like forgetting Mother’s Day after eating a Mother’s Day brunch with a friend and his mom before coming home from an overnight–he can’t really remember to do it.  
See: my “hope springs eternal.” This is what I know. Regulation is peace.  Do everything YOU can to get regulated, because you can do everything you can to get your attachment challenged child to remember to get the chores done, and you might not ever get that to happen on a regular basis.
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
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Regulation is peace.  Get some.
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