Reflexive Reactions

Dear Parents,

I live with 4 adult children from difficult beginnings and my ears are being assailed by explanations, reasons, lies, excuses, and arguments.  Any sentence I speak that ends with a question mark is met by reflexive survival reactions designed to say, Whatever it is you might be asking (which I probably didn’t fully hear), I didn’t do it; I am not bad; you are wrong; there are reasons.  

Me:  Did anyone see my old Mac around?  

Collective Them:  No, I’ve never touched it.  No, I have never seen it.  I didn’t even know it was missing, so I didn’t take it. I didn’t use it, Mom.

Me:  Whose clothes are in the dryer?  

Collective Them:  Not mine.  His, I didn’t touch the dryer.  I haven’t done mine this week at all.   I didn’t see who did it.

Me:  Who has my tweezers?  

Collective Them:  I have my own.  I never use tweezers.  I don’t even know where you keep your tweezers.  Don’t ask me.

Me:  Are all the chores done?

Collective Them:  Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Me: Right. Get them done before dinner, please.

Me: Whose music is blasting?

Collective Them:  Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine.

Me: Clearly it’s mine. Whoever’s music isn’t blasting, turn it down.

The quickest way for me to find out who is home is to yell out a question–the reflexive, survival responses are lightning strikes off their tongues.  Poor babies.  Every last one of them is scared to death of being “bad,” and not one of them actually is.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love matters,



​Jennifer Olden, LMFT presents a ​“Hold Me Tight​”​ Couples Workshop at The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships in Sacramento, CA on May 28-29th.  If you are looking to improve your relationship​,​ this workshop will teach you how to create a stronger bond, lessen conflict, and increase trust and intimacy.  Based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s model for couples therapy:  Emotionally Focused Therapy.  Proven effective. Research based. ​Read more and register here.

The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled for April 23rd and 30th from 12noon to 4pm.  $200 per couple.  Childcare available for $30 each day, second child $10 additional. To sign up email and she will register you.

Monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every second Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm to 7:30pm.  Group and childcare are free.
picture of cover
The public is invited to celebrate Ce Eshelman, LMFT’s new book, Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents at an open house with brunch bites and bubbly on April 16th, 2016, from 11:30am to 1:30pm.  RSVP here.  Probably not the best event for children though.
To purchase a book click here or go Leave a review, when you can.

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