Pseudo Adulthood

Dear Parents,

To all with attachment challenged and still traumatized adult children: I take off my hat. Okay, not wearing one, but you know…

I love my 20-year-old daughter so much that it can strain my marriage and even some friendships where the advice has been to distance and not enable her to use me–her mother–as a fallback plan.  To be honest my mother’s heart developed late in the adoption process.  It took me some time to accept the realities of the little traumatized beings that lived in my house.  Warm fuzzies did not engulf me when it came to mothering.

Now, seventeen years later, my mother’s heart is a warrior filled with fight for my precious girl who takes every thorny path she sees before her.  She hates asking for help from me, she says, because  I am so competent and never seem to need anything.  And yet, she often asks for so much help from me that she can hardly tolerate the shame.

Maybe one day I will not pick up the phone when she calls desperate for my advice that she will not take or my money that she will.  Until that day, I answer and I always give both. I am her mother and perhaps the only person in the world who loves her always.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love matters,



The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled for April 23rd and 30th from 12noon to 4pm.  $200 per couple.  Childcare available for $30 each day, second child $10 additional. To sign up email and she will register you.
Monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every second Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm to 7:30pm.  Group and childcare are free.
Look for Ce’s Upcoming Book

picture of cover

Drowning With My Hair On Fire

Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents
Drowning with My Hair On Fire is a compilation of over 175 daily support letters to parents of adoptive children and other children from difficult beginnings.  With a forward by Dave Ziegler, Ph.D. and a brief personal memoir, this publication is a response to blog-reader requests for a book of letters that can be easily returned to day after day, when inspiration is hard to find.
Praise for Drowning with My Hair On Fire
This woman saved our family. This book will save your sanity! After years (and many therapists) of getting it wrong, Ce Eshelman got our traumatized family on the right path to attachment, sanity, and big big love. Ce’s unique therapy is grounded in the latest brain research, her own struggles raising traumatized children, and work with hundreds of families like ours. Her stories, contained in this book, are our stories: full of pain, confusion, hope, faith, love and practical magic that really works.
Elaine Smith, Adoptive Mother
Ce’s daily blog has been a lifesaver, particularly when days are most dreary and hopeless.  Not only have her words of empathy proven to be priceless to our family, but I have often forwarded them on to others.  Such a comfort to feel understood, with no judgment.
Patty O’Hair, Adoptive Mother
In a real sense “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” is a daily mediation of struggle, success, failure and getting up and trying again.  If that sounds like too much to subject yourself to then don’t adopt a challenging child.  And one more thing, shouldn’t we require prospective adoptive parents to read “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” rather than another ‘All they need is love’ manual?
Dave Ziegler, Ph.D., founder of Jasper Mountain Center and author of many books on raising children from difficult beginnings.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.