To all with attachment challenged and still traumatized adult children: I take off my hat. Okay, not wearing one, but you know…
I love my 20-year-old daughter so much that it can strain my marriage and even some friendships where the advice has been to distance and not enable her to use me–her mother–as a fallback plan. To be honest my mother’s heart developed late in the adoption process. It took me some time to accept the realities of the little traumatized beings that lived in my house. Warm fuzzies did not engulf me when it came to mothering.
Now, seventeen years later, my mother’s heart is a warrior filled with fight for my precious girl who takes every thorny path she sees before her. She hates asking for help from me, she says, because I am so competent and never seem to need anything. And yet, she often asks for so much help from me that she can hardly tolerate the shame.
Maybe one day I will not pick up the phone when she calls desperate for my advice that she will not take or my money that she will. Until that day, I answer and I always give both. I am her mother and perhaps the only person in the world who loves her always.
Drowning With My Hair On Fire