Plain Talk for Challenged Parents of Challenged Children

Dear Parents:    

I often get calls from adoptive parents seeking therapy for their attachment challenged child(ren).  When I share our comprehensive family approach, many are accepting and excited.  Some, however, are white-knuckling every day, worn out to the core, and reluctant to put in even an ounce more energy.  These parents are desperate to get help for their child and they focus only on that.

He never does what I tell him to do.

She only cares about herself.

Something is wrong with him.

She sneaks around all the time.

He steals things from everyone.

She doesn’t have a conscience.

He lies about everything.

She is grieving about her crappy past.

He is negative all the time.

She doesn’t care about anything.

He hurts his brother.

She hates me and her life.

He is self-centered and disrespectful.

I hate every minute of this.

S/He needs therapy.

I have no doubt about the behavior.  I do have to question the focus and motives ascribed.

Here is what I see in the room with me:  parents–once hopeful, excited, enthusiastic people who had a dream of creating a loving family; parents with shattered dreams and buckets of grief and overwhelm.  If this is you, you may be:

Hurt.

Triggered.

Reactive.

Adversarial.

Resentful.

Grieving.

Angry.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Depressed.

Dysregulated.

Exhausted.

Despairing.

And in need of big support.

Your whole family needs help. You are the healer for your child, but you must first start from within. Therapy for your child will not be effective without you. When you have trouble finding your heart and seeing the good in your child, you are the one who needs help first and the most. It is okay to admit it if it is so.

Love Matters,

Ce

Sacramento Local Events: 

CAFA’s FREE Respite Program provides temporary relief for adoptive families living in or who have adopted through Sacramento County. Respite provides a positive experience for both the parent and the child. While families may take great joy in providing care for their loved ones, the physical and emotional consequences for the family caregiver can be overwhelming without some support, such as respite. Respite provides a break for the whole family, which research shows, is beneficial for everyone involved. Respite is available to kids aged 4-17.Children will be supervised by staff experienced in teaching social skills and positive peer interaction. Children will get the opportunity to participate in activities like sports, playing team building games, art, crafts and more.
Lunch is provided!
When: November 11th, 2017 (New Date)
Time: 10am-3pm
More details and to Register go to:www.capadoptfam.org

NEW!  AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASD) CO-ED SOCIAL GROUP for Tweens (older 11-years-old through younger 15-years-old) at The Attach Place. November 6th, 2017 from 5:30 to 7:30 pm will be the first social group for ASD tweens. Pizza and drinks will be provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com. This is a no-cost monthly social group for the children, and parents will have an opportunity to socialize, chill, or maybe read a book in a separate space, too.

NEW!  FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA.  The groups will be low-cost, CALVCP payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Details coming soon.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on November 8th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

TRY MY BOOK FOR DAILY SUPPORT: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

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