I have no room in my personal or professional world for parent bashing. This is likely because I am a parent. I am not perfect. And I have been bashed by professionals, CPS, law enforcement and family.
I say that to say this: parents who give up, lose hope, throw up their hands and toss in the towel are cutting themselves and their children short. Honestly, some children do need to go to residential treatment because they truly cannot be safely maintained at home. Some children go to residential treatment because their parent(s) cannot tolerate their feelings about their child at home.
I am not passing judgment. I am, however, encouraging parents who feel overwhelmed to get help and to resist the urge to give up. You are the change agent in your child’s life. Giving up is not an option though shoring up is.
If giving up is on the tip of your tongue, you need more help than you are getting, and you need to advocate for more. Go to your county adoption assistance program to request help. Stomp your feet and insist that you get attachment help if standard Wraparound isn’t working. You can get support at home. Demand it. And, demand it the way you need it. If you know you need attachment therapy, don’t settle for behavior therapy. If you know you need respite, don’t settle for therapy. If you know you need emotional support for yourself, don’t settle for child rehabilitation services.
Get educated and informed about the services available to you in your county and state. It isn’t the same in every state, and every county is different in their processes. Call your adoption assistance program to find out what resources are available to your child. Call your District Attorney to see if there is a Victim Compensation Fund and how to apply. Call your county mental health to access mental health benefits for your child and family. This may lead to Therapeutic Behavioral Services (TBS) and Wraparound Services (WRAP) for in-home therapeutic services. Be sure to focus on attachment and relationship first, before behavior. You will get further with your child if you do so.
Also, if your child was originally taken by CPS in California (and perhaps other states) and given to you for fostering and adoption, s/he is likely eligible for Victim Compensation Funding that will pay for therapy. There are also funds there for you, the derivative caregiver. These are awesome financial benefits for victims of crime that children adopted domestically from the systems deserve.
I hope this helps you know how to get started getting some services that you deserve.
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place provides a monthly, no fee Adoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2nd Wednesday of each month. Next group is December 9th at a NEW time–5:30 pm. Join us. Child care provided.
The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans. Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.
Feel free to send this link to friends or family members who you would like to receive Daily YOU Time: Wisdom for Adoptive Parents.
Resources are key in being able to deal with some of the emotional duress involved in raising attachment challenged, traumatized children.