I am so very sorry to leave you out on a ledge without a daily post. Okay, I know you are not hanging on my every word. Still, I have been spiky at best. Having children with complex trauma, you are probably used to spiky behavior, but you likely would prefer your attachment specialists to be a bit more consistent.
I have just recently discovered, again, my humanness. I really cannot do it all. Something has to give in a move and it turns out it is my creative juice. So I am at the end of my first week sans children of a every ilk, save canine. I do still have those little babies. And let me tell you, they are pretty insecure in a move, too.
I tried to forewarn them by scattering half-filled boxes strewn about the old house for about a month. They got some kind of message from that, though it wasn’t comforting for them. Nearing the last few days of the move from the old place to the new place, the dogs were at full tilt. They couldn’t settle in each evening, and instead ran circles around all the boxes, begging for more and more chase. When I caved and chased them, ad nauseam, one pup got a wing injury. She is still limping into the new house.
My grown up, attachment and traumatized children are also having growing pains in their new home (purchased by moi). Mom, can we borrow $100 because xyz? Mom, how much money is in my account? Mom we need xyz. Mom, Mom, Mom…how much money is in my account?
It is hard for me to hold boundaries with my children. I want to answer all their questions. I want to assure each one every time I am called in a panic. I want to make it all better. Whoa, I am a mom through and through.
I am also a mom who has learned the hard way that rescuing my children from their poor decision-making prolongs the learning. I am dedicated to be in it with boundaries for their learning, not for my peace of mind. If I were in it for my comfort, I would just give it all to them. That is the easy path.
This path with boundaries is like walking on coals. I understand there is a way to walk on coals without getting burned. Tony Robbins (motivational no one in particular) tells us we can do that without getting burned if we believe in ourselves. I am a sceptic and think that that is about mass hypnosis; but I digress.
I do believe I can have boundaries with my children without getting burned. I have been burned plenty by not having boundaries. Okay, maybe Robbins is correct: believe. I believe that having boundaries with my adult children will help them learn and grow into people who have successful, satisfying lives that are not set on perpetual survival mode.
The Attach Place will be in a new location beginning 10/15/16. Come check out our new space: 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.
The next 8-hr. Therapeutic Parent Training Course for Foster and Adoptive Parents is January 7, 2017 from 9am to 5pm. Sign-up here. Child care provided at an extra fee.
Our monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6pm to 8pm at 3406 American River Drive, Suite D, Sacramento, CA 95864. Child care provided at no cost.
You can find my book on Amazon.com or here. Don’t forget to leave a review on Amazon.