It is so tempting to think our children with wounded hearts are doing what they do on purpose. Somehow if it were on purpose, then it follows we would have hope that it could change by will power, incentive, desire or fear.
Unfortunately, hope springs more from seeing with clear eyes the child who stands before us imperfect in need of acceptance, than in the angry presumption that it is stubbornness, opposition, and hatefulness in need of punishment.
Providing safety, training, understanding, empathy, gentle correction and repetition beyond belief slowly allows the development of the part of the brain where the “brakes” live undeveloped. Imagine being a train without brakes; a car stuck on go, or a bike speeding downhill without a chain. Our children are like that, just itching to grow up into a stable brain.
Parents, take the high road every chance you get. From that elevated place, the perspective is deep and wide. From the low road, there are only embankments, ditches, hairpin turns and sinkholes ahead. It is a choice we all struggle to make.
The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled for February 20th and 27th from 12 noon to 4 pm. $200 per couple. Childcare available for $30 each day. To sign up email Jen@attachplace.comand she will register you.
Monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is open to all every second Wednesday of the month from 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm. Group and childcare are FREE.
Look for Ce Eshelman’s Upcoming Book
Drowning With My Hair On Fire
Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents
Expected Publication Date: February 15, 2016
Drowning with My Hair On Fire is a compilation of over 175 daily support letters to parents of adoptive children and other children from difficult beginnings. With a forward by Dave Ziegler, Ph.D. and a brief personal memoir, this publication is a response to blog-reader requests for a book of letters that can be easily returned to day after day, when inspiration is hard to find.
Praise for Drowning with My Hair On Fire…
This woman saved our family. This book will save your sanity! After years (and many therapists) of getting it wrong, Ce Eshelman got our traumatized family on the right path to attachment, sanity, and big big love. Ce’s unique therapy is grounded in the latest brain research, her own struggles raising traumatized children, and work with hundreds of families like ours. Her stories, contained in this book, are our stories: full of pain, confusion, hope, faith, love and practical magic that really works.
Elaine Smith, Adoptive Mother
Ce’s daily blog has been a lifesaver, particularly when days are most dreary and hopeless. Not only have her words of empathy proven to be priceless to our family, but I have often forwarded them on to others. Such a comfort to feel understood, with no judgment.
Patty O’Hair, Adoptive Mother
In a real sense “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” is a daily mediation of struggle, success, failure and getting up and trying again. If that sounds like too much to subject yourself to then don’t adopt a challenging child. And one more thing, shouldn’t we require prospective adoptive parents to read “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” rather than another ‘All they need is love’ manual?
Dave Ziegler, Ph.D., founder of Jasper Mountain Center and author of many books on raising children from difficult beginnings.