Our Kids Were Shaped The Way They Are

Dear Parents,

It is easy to forget under the stress of constant dysregulation that our children from difficult beginnings were neurobiologically shaped to be untrusting of us and overly self reliant.  Their brains were not given the chance to hardwire an expectation of safety. They were instead biased toward detecting danger to stay safe enough in the presence of scary, neglectful or untrustworthy adults.

If you forget this reality along the parenting way, you will be in danger of seeing your children as oppositional, defiant, controlling, and selfish; when in fact they are simply living in survival mode–the way they were shaped in early childhood.  How you see them usually determines how you treat them.  Am I right?

To rewire these suspicious, hypervigilant brains, we have to create an environment enriched with play, lightness of being, clear structure, and nurture-infused correction.  In so doing, our children slowly begin to trust enough to receive safe and loving parenting.

Attachment Help

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Sometimes we get to therapeutic parenting a little late in the game. It is hard to have a structured enough environment at home to do corrective parenting if your child gets to the early teen years still vigilant and biased for caregiver mistrust.  Their “safety blindness” then makes them unavailable for protective and loving parenting.  It’s painful.  I know it in my bones.  Sometimes out of home placement is all that is left at that point.

Love matters,


Our monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6pm to 8pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Child care provided at no cost. Sign up at www.attachplace.com.

Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents

Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents

Follow us on Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

Our next 9a-5pm Trust-based Therapeutic Parent Training will be on January 7th, 2017. 2017!!!

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