Insecurity Needs Your Secure Connection

Dear Parents,

It’s a fact.  Our children from difficult beginnings have a bucket of need they carry around with them in their hearts.  It may seem like a bottomless bucket, and your own bucket is getting on the empty side trying to fill it up.  When it feels like that, take heed.  You need to get your own bucket filled up somewhere else, so you can feel rejuvenated to do what you need to do another day.

Regulation Is The Key

What do you do to fill up your bucket?  Come on, slow down a second and really answer the question for yourself.  Make a list.  What rejuvenates you?  What pleases you?  What gives you rest?  Peace?  Solace? Soothing?  Regulation?

If you don’t know this list, backward and forward, you are not paying enough attention to your own needs.  You can only go so long with an empty bucket before you resent, resist, and refuse to fill the bucket of your child.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

You Have To Do Something For Things to Be Different

Come on, write down your list.  Once you have it written, share it with your partner or a friend so that person can help you do something for yourself every day.  Oh yes, I did say every day.  You need to be doing something for yourself every day in order to de-stress and stay in regulation mode with your kids.

That’s it for the most meaningful advice I can give you about healing the hearts of children from difficult beginnings.  Parents matter, and in order to have the level of self-regulation you need to be a regulating force in your child’s life you must take action every day.  Just do it.

Love matters,


NEW THERAPEUTIC PARENTING WEBINAR: 6-Week Interactive Therapeutic Parenting Webinar, August 1 through September 7, 2017.  Register here.

UPCOMING GROUP:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on August 9th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Free child care provided.

TRY MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.


FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

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