I had a quick dinner yesterday with my daughter, her boyfriend, and their baby–my granddaughter, with severe Cerebral Palsy, who is almost two-years-old now. They are all living three hours away with her biological father. With my help, she found him once she turned 18 . I am so glad, because he has whole-heartedly welcomed her into her biological family. Turns out, they speak the same emotional language. I guess that makes sense.
Because of severe attachment challenge, my daughter is unable to do most of what I suggest, though she always asks for my advice. She wants my best thinking, and she needs to do life her own way to feel safe. At twenty she has lived through more difficult situations than I have in my entire adult life. Often she laments the black cloud over her head, and I am hard put to refute that. Bad things regularly do happen in her life.
My therapist self knows that the bad things are of her own doing. She impulsively and emotionally makes life decisions, and she hasn’t taken me up on living like me since she was 10-years-old. Talk about the hard road: that girl takes some serious hits and still pulls herself up off the mat to make a life for herself and her family. Her survival skills amaze me. A fighter and a survivor, she makes something out of nothing every day. She also destroys a fair amount along the way. That is the double-edged sword of being a young adult with untreated Complex Developmental Trauma.
That said, I am incredibly impressed and proud of her. I am also sad that she loves me so much, but cannot benefit from the easy life she could have had if our attachment challenged relationship had been healed in early childhood. Even though I loved her so much, too, I didn’t know how to be a healing force in her life back then.
I am writing this blog for YOU, so you can get a helping hand in healing the wounded child in your life.
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place provides a monthly, no fee Trust-based Adoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2nd Wednesday of each month. Next group is October 14th at a NEW time–5:30pm. Come join us. Online RSVP each month required especially if you need child care.
The Attach Place offers a 10-hr. Trust-based Parenting Course every other month. Our next course dates are October 10th and 24th. Child care provided for an extra fee. Sign-up by calling 916-403-0588 x1 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans. Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.
Feel free to send this link to friends or family members who you would like to receive Daily YOU Time: Wisdom for Adoptive Parents.
Do everything you can when your children are young to
strengthen your relationships.