I Didn’t Cry

Yesterday my son was all grief stricken and in tears over the end of a favorite show on TV that triggered his own personal grief and loss about his difficult beginnings. Today he watched the recorded ending again and shared, “I didn’t cry this time.”  Shocker, kid.

This lack of theory of mind is one of the things I often see in children from difficult beginnings.  Children with theory of mind can access the part of their brains that extrapolates one situation to another and makes sense of things.  Children with complex trauma often cannot access their executive functions in the pre-frontal cortex until much later in life. They are not dull; they are traumatized.

Be careful of your judgments about your traumatized children.  They can surprise you if you keep your heart and your mind open to what is possible.  If you thought your child would be fully thriving at 28, though not so functional at 18, would you engage her differently?  I suspect you would.

Be gracious, patient, loving, and a tiny bit long suffering.  There may be a payoff down the road.  Wait for it.

The Attach Place

Love matters, Ce The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships

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