Parents get frustrated, even desperate when they cannot make their child be different (i.e. be good.) We can even get to the point where we don’t want to be around our traumatized child and have nothing positive to say. I understand that; however, check out this comment, “I can’t accept him this way.” If you don’t accept your child the way he is, then that same child will not have a cheerleader to encourage positive movement forward. Our children need to see their preciousness in our eyes, even when their behavior is ugly and unacceptable. That acceptance says they are lovable. What if when you heard that snarky tone, processed those mean words, and saw that offensive behavior, you gently requested a correction with compassion in your voice and soft loving eyes? That would mean you are being a loving parent. Your child needs love when s/he is being the worst. Children do bad things when they feel bad about themselves and those around them. Turn the tides by focusing on being love in action and simply correct the offense with your heart intact. Work very hard not to be a negative mirror to your child. Instead, be a loving one. Your child, who is acting out pain, needs the latter more.
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place provides a monthly, no feeAdoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2ndWednesday of each month. Next group is December 9th at a NEW time–5:30 pm. Join us. Child care provided.
The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans. Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.
Feel free to send this link to friends or family members who you would like to receive Daily YOU Time: Wisdom for Adoptive Parents.
Commit to being love in action.