How To Think About Behavior

Flipped OffUp your compassion by changing YOUR mind. The only way to parent attachment challenged children effectively is to see them clearly as little children with brains and bodies that have been severely impacted by difficult beginnings, maltreatment/abuse and attachment breaches.

Depressed Child 3

After that, YOU have to edit your own thinking about what you are seeing when you parent them every day.
This is what I mean: 
Behavior:        Child pushes your hugs away.
Thinking:         Child is controlling, unloving, rejecting.
Re-Think:        Child is afraid of being vulnerable and self protects
                       habitually by pushing people away.
Behavior:         Child spills something every day.         
Thinking:          Child is clumsy, stupid, never pays attention, or must
                        be doing this on purpose to annoy me.
Re-Think:         Child ‘s proprioceptive and vestibular senses are
                        challenged and need rehabilitation.
Behavior:          Child steals things repeatedly.             
Thinking:           Child is a thief, untrustworthy, embarrassing, morally
                         corrupt, and bound for prison.
Re-Think           Child has deprivation imprints, combined with
Behavior:          Child lies nonsensically.                        
Thinking:           Child is a hopeless liar, bad seed, criminal,
                         antisocial, devious.
Re-Think:          Child is in survival mode most of the time: scared to
                         be caught, wrong, harmed, in-trouble, or bad (the
                               way it feels on the inside.)
Our compassion rises when we tell ourselves the truth about our children who have been harmed by adults early in their lives or by the circumstances of difficult biological beginnings–challenging pregnancy, neonatal surgery, birth trauma, prematurity, parental absence, illness or postpartum depression.
The Attach Place Logo High Parental Compassion = Parenting with Heart.
Something our children desperately need in order to heal.
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist
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