Filling The Hole With Relationships

Dear Parents,

If you are raising an attachment challenged teenager, then you probably have quite a bit of experience already with how desperate our kids can be to fill the holes in their hearts with relationships.  Sometimes the boyfriend/girlfriend revolving door is difficult to watch, so it is good to get some perspective.  I also think it is a good idea for your teen to get perspective, too.

Developing a good working narrative about one’s life can help with the slings and arrows of outrageous teen romance.  Young people do not always know they are pursuing a chemical hit of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin to fill up what might ordinarily be a painful, achy void at their centers.   Cognitively linking the void feeling to the experience of grief and loss in a difficult childhood can be the beginning of healing the wounds.  The teen years is a super good time to work on their personal narratives again, even if you think you already did it when they were younger.  This time it will be from a new more cognitively aware viewpoint.

I encourage you to get outside therapeutic support to do this coherent narrative work.  You may have noticed that teenagers do not really enjoy listening to their parents.  Throw some attachment challenge on that and it can get pretty fiery.  Do yourself a favor and enlist help.

Love matters,


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