Fear Is A Harsh Master

Fear is a harsh master. At least once a week a parent confesses to me they are worried they have a budding Adam Lanza in their living room. I mean no disrespect to Adam Lanza and his family. He was a very disturbed young man whose family (guns aside) had tried to get him help for years prior to the Newtown tragedy. And that is the point of what parents are telling me. They are trying to get their child help, nothing seems to work, and they fear the outcome will be tragic.

I know that portentous fear very well. It has sliced me to the bone many times throughout my child raising years. When fear was my master, my parenting was over-controlling, reactive, and down right harsh. Children always mirror parental emotion, rather than parental intention. My fear begot scared, angry, reactive behavior from my children. I could see the reflection of my fear in their eyes.

I know YOU are scared. The antidote is love. That is so touchy feel-y, New Age-y, isn’t it? It just happens to be true. When I wrestled my fear into submission and let go to love with a capital L, my children reflected that back to me. Faking love doesn’t work, so I am not talking about pretending to be loving through gritted teeth. I am talking about surrendering fear and really finding in your heart the courage to love with an open heart. Your children can feel the difference, and in time that love will be the change YOU are looking for in them.

Attachment Help

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist

Get more information and sign up here for our 10-hour Trust-based Parenting Course for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on March 29th and April 5th, 2014.

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