Fear, Fear And More Fear

Whoow, back from Thangsgiving.  That was a nice long break, except for the fact that my heat has been off since Wednesday and it has been sub 55 degrees in my house for 5 days.   Burrrrr.  Chihuahuas are very shaky in a house with no heat.

Hope you had a lovely few days together.  I know holidays are not always jolly with healing children, so I am hoping that the calm of back to school routine has set in already.

I was talking with my son yesterday about why a classmate of his who also happens to come from difficult beginnings is suddenly spending a lot of time at our house.

Her mom is in cancer treatment, so we are helping out. But your friend doesn’t know, so you can’t tell her. 

“Oh,” he says, “I can see why she hasn’t been told.  Her mom probably doesn’t want her to feel the way I did when you had cancer.”

Suddenly feeling like I didn’t protect him enough five years ago, I fumble for words, Uh, yes, because she is different than you and not prepared to experience the fear.

“The terror, Mom. I was terrified the whole time,”  he emphasizes with air exclamation points.

I am sorry you were terrified for so long.  You were very brave.  You went to school every day, were beyond sweet to me, and held it all together until I got well.

“Yeah, then I had to go back to residential because I lost it when you got better,” he tells me as if I don’t know that is why he “lost it.”  

I don’t remember very much about that year, just that you were amazing.

“Me either,” he says. “Just the terror and the good times.  We had some good times that year, too. I remember those.”

Would you have wanted me to try and keep it from you so you wouldn’t have been so scared?

“That bald head probably would have given it away, Mom,” he says without humor. When I laugh, he sees the funny part and laughs, too.

“Let’s not do that again, okay?” he asks in a statement.

Okay deal, I promise, like that is possible, all the while hoping against all odds I am not lying right now.

Life is full of scary twists and turns.  Even after bringing them home from their difficult beginnings, we cannot always protect them from the parts of life that hurt.

Love Matters,

Ce Eshelman, LMFT

The Attach Place provides a monthly, no feeAdoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2ndWednesday of each month.  Next group is December 9th at a NEW time–5:30 pm. Join us.  Child care provided.

The Attach Place offers an 8-hr. Trust-based Parenting Course every other month.  Our next course dates areDecember 5th and 12th, 2015. Sign-up online atwww.attachplace.com

The Attach Place supports The Wounded Warrior Project by providing free neurofeedback to veterans.  Feel free to send a soldier our way for an assessment and 20 session course of treatment.

Feel free to send this link to friends or family members who you would like to receive Daily YOU Time: Wisdom for Adoptive Parents.

Fear strikes at the core of children who were scared to

death from the beginning.

Comments

  1. Thank you so much for these blog posts – at last I found someone who is realistic, honest and helpful and supportive in raising these children with difficult beginnings.
    An adoptive single mom of twin boys with RAD

  2. Thank you so much for these blog posts – at last I found someone who is realistic, honest and helpful and supportive in raising these children with difficult beginnings.
    An adoptive single mom of twin boys with RAD

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