Fear At The Core

If your child came from difficult beginnings, YOU may be noticing that there is a fear at the core that there is not 

angry childenough, that they might be left or rejected, and that they have to get what they want at all cost. Despite the current abundance of their home life, that fear fuels many behaviors adoptive parents come to misinterpret as controlling, self-centered, manipulating, and calculated. 

 
angry teenLook again at the behaviors you dislike, define negatively, and work endlessly to stamp out of your child.  These things come from hardwired fear that has long gone into a perpetual, unconscious drive to survive.
 
Punishment for negative behavior is not the answer.  A felt sense of safety IS. Your reassuring parenting–safe words, soft tone, attuned understanding, empathy, structure, nurture, playful engagement, and willingness to be with your child when they feel unlovable and out-of-control–is the pathway to healing. 
 

Mending Heart

It takes a long time to heal fear at the core. That often expert-quoted equation–It takes therapeutic parenting for one month for each year of your child’s age to heal–is wrong.  It is just wrong. Your child needs constant mindful parenting.  Period.
 

Mother love

Don’t give up.
Hang in.
Your perseverance will pay-off in the future.
Broken hearts heal.
Love Matters,
The Attach Place Logo
Ce Eshelman, LMFT 
UPCOMING EVENTS:

 

Comments

  1. Hi Ce,
    I just want you to know how much I appreciate your work and related posts. Your posts are consistently well written, compelling, and extremely astute. I have shared them on several occasions with colleagues at UCSF and Stanford.
    Just passing along my thanks, as there aren’t enough folks who get this work.
    Matt

  2. Hi Ce,
    I just want you to know how much I appreciate your work and related posts. Your posts are consistently well written, compelling, and extremely astute. I have shared them on several occasions with colleagues at UCSF and Stanford.
    Just passing along my thanks, as there aren’t enough folks who get this work.
    Matt

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