When you come to the edge of everything you know, surrender. Developmentally traumatized children from abuse, neglect, and abandonment are caught in a terrible double bind. They desperately need you and they desperately fear and doubt your veracity as a forever parent. They fear you will harm and leave them so much that they try to beat you to it by rejecting you first and unconsciously pulling for a repeat of their early traumatic years.
When they turn on you, spewing ugly, vulgar accusations, hold steady if you can–if you manage that 50% of the time feel good about yourself. That ugliness isn’t about you. It only feels like it.
If you cannot figure out how to soothe the dysregulated negative internal working model, surrender the need to control what is flying toward you. Sit down; be present to your child’s pain and core sense of unlovability. You cannot make a child feel loveable. You can only empathize and maintain your attachment positive behavior toward them–soft eyes, soft voice, proximity, and gentleness. Try never to withhold yourself. To a traumatized child that triggers abandonment all over again.
Healing Difficult Beginnings — Trauma-Informed Parenting with Teri Gelgood, LMFT.
8 Saturdays: September 30 – November 18, 2017 9am-12pm
493 Main Street, Suite D, Diamond Springs (Gust Bros Building)
Cost: $800 (second person caring for same child – free)
Teri@CreatingJoyNow.com 530-503-7040 CreatingJoyNow.com
UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT: Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on October 11th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.
TRY MY BOOK FOR DAILY SUPPORT: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT. Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.