Archive for Parenting Attachment Challenged Children

Coping with All The Feels

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Dear Parents,

We have to help our attachment challenged children to understand how to think about all the feels.  First, they need help identifying that they are even having a feeling, and then what the name of the feeling is.  Emojis only go so far.

It helps to supply thoughts they could have about the feeling, such as “Everyone has the feels like this once in a while and sometimes a lot of the while.”  You might even go so far as to suggest that this is a righteous feeling they have every right to have in this situation, by golly!   Then explain what “by golly” means.

To be a super good helper, you could brainstorm with your child some things to do when an attack of the feels surfaces willy-nilly.  I know this sounds silly (oh, that rhymes with willy-nilly, silly), but practicing having a feeling and handling it in a few different, socially acceptable ways could be beneficial.  Practice is just like experience only you don’t have to actually give or get a black eye in the process.

Some kids could use a picture chart to show the ways to identify and cope with feelings. Many will think this is stupid but do it anyway. Here is a way of understanding emotions for older children:

Sharing power around picking solutions for how to cope with these feelings comes in handy for buy-in.  Some will do best by being shown a physical move or two–planks, jumping jacks, wall push-ups, clapping hard, etc.  If parents actually use some of these coping skills when having big feelings of their own, kids will take all this much more seriously.

Look for signs that your help is sinking in.  Throw out a compliment when you see some coping successes.  It’s amazing what catching kids doing something positive can do for their motivation and self-esteem.  I know they pretend it does nothing, but we parents know better, right?

Yep, that’s how you positively brain-wash a child to cope more effectively with life’s little (massive) feels.  I didn’t say it was easy.

Love matters,

Ce

Life is a lesson waiting to be learned.

Upcoming Sacramento Adoption Community Events

Working with Kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders And Other Neuro-Based Challenges: A training for caregivers, child welfare professionals, mental health providers, and school and community personnel

FASD is underdiagnosed and many adoptive parents have no idea their child may have it as other diagnoses have overlapping characteristics.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Registration 8:30
Training 9:00-12:00
Presented by Barb Clark, Master Trainer

Location: Sierra Forever Families
8928 Volunteer Lane, Suite 100
Sacramento, CA 95826
Phone: 916-368-5114
RSVP: Kim@capadoptfam.org

Hosted by Sacramento County Community Champions Network and the North American Council on Adoptable Children

Caring For A Child Who is Someone Else’s?

Are you informally caring for a child, an adoptive family, a foster/resource family, or a guardian? Looking for support or information? Need help finding services? Please join us for a community discussion! With the help of the Community Champions Network we may be able to create something helpful in our community. Can’t attend the meeting but still want to participate in the conversation? Email Kathryn at kemoryka@netscape.net

Meeting Details:

Tuesday September 25, 2018 6:30pm to 8:30pm

El Dorado County Office of Education

6767 Green  Valley Rd.,

Placerville Building B, Room 2

NACAC shares current child welfare information and post-adoption best practices through publications, our website, social media, webinars, and educational events. Each year, NACAC hosts the most comprehensive adoption conference in North America.

We also provide information and training on adoption topics for parent group members, parents, young people who were adopted or in care, and child welfare professionals. As part of a federally funded collaboration called Critical Ongoing Resource Family Education or CORE, NACAC is currently working with Spaulding for Children and other partners to help improve the training offered to foster and adoptive parents of children who are older and have more needs.

Are You a Professional Who Works With Children?

We are hosting a discussion/focus group for professionals who work with children who are not being raised by their biological parents. Our community would like to assess the needs of professionals (agency workers, therapists, community providers) who serve our families. What do you need? What does the community need? A Community Champions Network may help us meet the needs and fill the gaps in our community. Can’t join us for the discussion but still want to join the conversation? Email Kathryn at kemoryka@netscape.net.

Meeting Details:

Tuesday September 25, 2018 1pm to 3pm

Cameron Park Library

2500 Country Club Dr.

Cameron Park, Ca 95682

Working with Kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders And Other Neuro-Based Challenges: 

A training for caregivers, child welfare professionals, mental health providers, and school and community personnel

FASD is underdiagnosed and many adoptive parents have no idea their child may have it as other diagnoses have overlapping characteristics.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Registration 8:30
Training 9:00-12:00
Presented by Barb Clark, Master Trainer

Location: Sierra Forever Families
8928 Volunteer Lane, Suite 100
Sacramento, CA 95826
Phone: 916-368-5114
RSVP: Kim@capadoptfam.org

Hosted by Sacramento County Community Champions Network and the North American Council on Adoptable Children

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar

Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held in November 2018 from 10 am to 4 pmChildcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. September 21st, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly  Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on September 12th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

Playing Is Not the Same As Playful

Dear Parents,

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Sometimes I hear parents of traumatized children discuss that situation when their hurting child “turns on them.”  Suddenly, Mom can’t do anything right and Dad is the favorite.  Or vice versa, of course.  After a little listening, I can tell the remedy is more simple than complex.  Unfortunately, I sometimes say to parents something that needs nuance.

I almost always ask, Are you being playful?   

Parent, “All the time; I’m playing to death.”

That’s great, I say, And are you correcting playfully?

Crickets.

Play is the language of children, of course, and it isn’t usually the language of parents.  As a matter of fact, when correcting shenanigans, parents have to learn how to be playful.  Playing does create the neurochemical elixir of attachment; however, it is playfulness during correction, that creates safety.

Lighten up.  Every transgression does not lead to prison.  There is no such thing as an adoption to prison pipeline.  It only feels like it.

Get regularly playful, empathic, and accepting during correction and you might just find yourself back on the “favorite” list.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar

TOMORROW! Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on September 15th, 2018 from 10 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. September 21st, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly  Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on September 12th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

Upcoming Sacramento Adoption Community Events

Working with Kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders And Other Neuro-Based Challenges: A training for caregivers, child welfare professionals, mental health providers, and school and community personnel

FASD is underdiagnosed and many adoptive parents have no idea their child may have it as other diagnoses have overlapping characteristics.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Registration 8:30
Training 9:00-12:00
Presented by Barb Clark, Master Trainer

Location: Sierra Forever Families
8928 Volunteer Lane, Suite 100
Sacramento, CA 95826
Phone: 916-368-5114
RSVP: Kim@capadoptfam.org

Hosted by Sacramento County Community Champions Network and the North American Council on Adoptable Children

Be the Change You Want to See in Your Children–Apologies to Gandhi

Dear Parents,

Our children do not cause our poor parenting behavior–yelling, demanding, demeaning, belittling, overpowering, physicality, threatening, arguing, meanness, etc.  Those behaviors belong to us and no amount of attachment challenged child behavior is responsible for our “low road,” survival brain reactions.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Because I know in my marrow this is true, I have worked hard to master the art of the sincerely humble apology.  I often owe that to both of my children.  When I suggest that parents may owe an apology to their child before expecting their child to “feel sorry,” I can get an ear-load of push-back.

“Absolutely not!” retorted one parent, when I asked if she had something to apologize for after she wrongly accused her daughter of something she had actually done herself.  “If she didn’t lie all the time, I wouldn’t have falsely accused her.”

Okay, but you did wrongly accuse her this time, and really you owe her a sincere apology for wronging her, right?  

“No.”

Hmmmm.

If we expect our children to sincerely feel remorse and apologize for their wrongs, then we have to model it first.  Otherwise, we are blaming them for our behavior.

Isn’t that what they often infuriatingly do to us?

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Sacramento Adoption Community Events

Working with Kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders And Other Neuro-Based Challenges: A training for caregivers, child welfare professionals, mental health providers, and school and community personnel

FASD is underdiagnosed and many adoptive parents have no idea their child may have it as other diagnoses have overlapping characteristics.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Registration 8:30
Training 9:00-12:00
Presented by Barb Clark, Master Trainer

Location: Sierra Forever Families
8928 Volunteer Lane, Suite 100
Sacramento, CA 95826
Phone: 916-368-5114
RSVP: Kim@capadoptfam.org

Hosted by Sacramento County Community Champions Network and the North American Council on Adoptable Children

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar

Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on September 15th, 2018 from 10 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. September 21st, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly  Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on September 12th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

He Says Hateful Things

Dear Parents,

“He says hateful things,” reports a parent expressing vehemently that her child possesses a kind of deep badness.  I get it.  It feels like that when repeatedly a child’s face is screwed up in an angry fist of emotion and the words are dripping with ugliness no one ever wants to hear from the mouth of a child.  Indeed it is nasty and forceful. It is shocking and unbelievable.  From a different vantage point, I have to admit that it is a pretty good weapon to keep back a perceived threat.  Unfortunately, the threat, in this case, is a parent trying to make a connection, hold a line, set a limit, provide guidance, and establish authority.  All those well-meaning parental behaviors threaten the control, autonomy, and agency of a child who thinks he is 100% responsible for saving himself from past, present, and future harm.

When your child misinterprets your parental intentions as threatening, she balls up in a corner, runs wildly away, or fights like hell to stop you in your tracks.  It feels confusing and distressing to parent a hurting child in those moments.  Spitting fight may seem like the worst, but a child collapsing in a corner can be equally disconcerting to parent into wellness.

Your child from difficult beginnings of attachment and abuse trauma is actually afraid deep in the core of the mind/body complex.  If the fear could talk, it might sound something like this, “I am the only one who can keep me alive…I must have control of every aspect of my life…No one can be trusted to care for me, but me…People hurt me, leave me, lie to me, scare me, humiliate me, and abandon me…No one is safe…I need to keep up my guard.”

What if cells in your body, feelings in your chest, and thoughts in your head pulsed with urgent, flashing, survival signals regardless of what reasonable things were being said to you from your parents?  Could you trust anyone?  Would you take a risk to surrender control? Might your ability to distinguish safe from unsafe become distorted?  When all the fiber of your being says unsafe, would the circumstances of a home, parents, siblings, rules, expectations, and everyday challenges convince you that you no longer needed to be in control?

Parenting children from difficult beginnings takes a different kind of parent–a parent schooled in the ways of trauma and attachment.  After the education, comes the coaching and support necessary to keep a parent on the path of healing the broken trust of their child.  It is challenging to unlearn all a parent unconsciously absorbed from being parented in childhood.  It is nearly impossible to ignore much of what might have been taught by educators about typical logic and control parenting strategies.  It is akin to betrayal to shut out the advice from trauma uninformed family, friends, teachers, counselors and even neighbors.

Little by little, a parent of hurting children has to become a warrior parent lovingly persevering to mend the trust of the child in ways that others find culturally unacceptable.  That is a part of the adoption journey, too.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Sacramento Adoption Community Events

Capital Adoptive Families Alliance 2018 CAFA Conference

Saturday, September 8, 2018 

9:30-11:15 Understanding Your Child’s IEP. How to advocate before, during and after the meeting. Attorney CHRISTIAN M. KNOX of Ruderman & Knox Law firm brings over 20 years of experience working with and advocating for special needs children, including as a legal representative for Sacramento County foster children. She has also served as a Special Education Hearing Officer and as an attorney representing children and families in Special Education hearings throughout the state of California.

11:30-12:30 Legal Services of Northern California Liza Thantranon, Managing Attorney and Regional Counsel for Health, will present how to access mental health services including how to overcome common barriers and how Legal Services of Northern California can help.

12:30-1:15 Lunch provided

1:15-2:45 Stories from the Trenches–Adoptive Parents share their stories and answer questions about Transracial adoption, dealing with challenging behaviors, WRAP, challenging the school district, and more. Laura Stillmunkes, Kori Tomlin, and Abby Johnson

Location: River Oak for Children, 5445 Laurel Hills Dr. Sacramento Time: 9:00-9:30 a.m. check-in 9:30 a.m. – 3:00 p.m. conference
Cost: $25 a person includes lunch No childcare available
To register: www.capadoptfam.org Questions: kim@capadoptfam.org (916) 834-3700

Capital Adoptive Families Alliance was formed by adoptive parents in the Sacramento area to support one another through the challenges of childrearing, educate ourselves about the issues our children face, and advocate for them in finding needed services.

Working with Kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders And Other Neuro-Based Challenges: A training for caregivers, child welfare professionals, mental health providers, and school and community personnel

FASD is underdiagnosed and many adoptive parents have no idea their child may have it as other diagnoses have overlapping characteristics.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Registration 8:30
Training 9:00-12:00
Presented by Barb Clark, Master Trainer

Location: Sierra Forever Families
8928 Volunteer Lane, Suite 100
Sacramento, CA 95826
Phone: 916-368-5114
RSVP: Kim@capadoptfam.org

Hosted by Sacramento County Community Champions Network and the North American Council on Adoptable Children

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on September 15th, 2018 from 10 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. September 21st, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly  Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on September 12th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

World Views of Traumatized Children

Dear Parent,

It’s back to school time and, for some reason, I am wanting to write about parent/child relationships that are dogged by early trauma.

Every child has an internal working model.  If born into safety and security, children usually feel quite good about themselves, trusting and positive toward their parents and other carers, and find the world to be a curious and delightful place to explore.

If your child was traumatized by early difficult beginnings of abuse, attachment breaches, or other traumatic conditions, then your child might be plagued by an unrelenting negative worldview about self, parents, and the world.

In fact, specifically speaking, there are four possible types of negative worldviews a traumatized child might possess of others:  safety threat, interpersonal threat, easy mark, irrelevant (*from the works of Dave Ziegler.)  It would be a rare traumatized bird that had a worldview outside these four.

I know you want your child to have a positive, Gee, I am so blessed, loved, lucky, privileged…worldview of you, but your child likely doesn’t.

So, here is the thing.  When I say relationship is the key to healing, I am saying that it is your job as a parent to hold your power, while maintaining relationship.  You have a chance to be seen by your child as only an interpersonal threat.  Weirdly, this is a good thing considering the four options. Being seen as an interpersonal threat is the only worldview that has wiggle room to move toward respect, trust and, ultimately, “felt safety.”  A child cannot have a positive worldview until s/he achieves felt safety.  That is only possible when parents remain safe, Alpha-dog-like dominant, respectable, consistent, emotionally unflappable, firm, clear, smart, and sure of yourself as a parent.

Your child will not like you being the Alpha.  Oh well. You have to establish yourself, so they aren’t running a dead-end worldview on you to their own detriment.  This is why therapeutic parenting is a must to shape the hearts and minds of traumatized children.  Get help if you are flummoxed by what I am saying.  Traumatized children need a special kind of parenting to move beyond survivor to thriver.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on September 15th, 2018 from 10 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. September 21st, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

Our 5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  The new groups are in full swing  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly  Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on September 12th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

Adoptive Children–Precious Still

Dear Parents:

Most of us have held a little baby in the first few months of life, right?  Maybe not our own children, but definitely others’ babies.  Some of us parents did get to hold our own adopted children when they were tiny little balls of miracle.  Remember the preciousness you felt heavy in your arms?  So sweet and joyful, even when you are dog tired the preciousness persists.

Adoptive Parenting Clinic

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Our children from difficult beginnings need to experience their preciousness in our eyes and voice long into adulthood.  Does that sound ridiculous?  It really isn’t.  It takes an entire childhood to recover from the loss of a biological parent and the probable abuses suffered.  Those early assaults to the delight of a child go directly into the child’s sense of self, their opinions about caregivers, and their beliefs about the world around them.

It is only through your daily expression of their preciousness through your easy tone, predictable kindness, soft eyes, sweet face, safe hands and body, patience, and all things that demonstrate your love in action will they heal.  Inside every child, no matter the age, there is a precious little baby.  Sometimes we have to do some cognitive reminders of this preciousness when our children’s suffering leaks out in the form of self-protective anger, survival resistance/refusal, and dysregulated flailing bodies.  Do your best mindfulness work (Dan Hughes calls this Mind Mindedness) to recover your empathy by endeavoring to focus on the hurting baby within, so you can keep yourself safe all the way through their childhoods.

I didn’t say it was easy.  Eh, nope, it is the hardest thing you will do in your lifetime.  It was for me. Carry on, dear parents, take care of yourselves and stay kind.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

July 4th Only: Don’t Miss This Weighted Blanket Sale

Hello Parents:

Every 4th of July I send you this great 24-hr sale for weighted blankets.  If your child has sensory issues, these blankets can become loved additions to your household.  They don’t work for every child; however, at this price, why not try one.  I don’t have stock in this company, by the way, just know how expensive these can be.  One sale a year…    Love matters, Ce

Healing Hurting Children

Dear Parents:

The purpose of parenting is to provide children with unconditional love, kind and consistent care, and socialization to live peacefully and productively in the world. This focus leads to secure adults with internal working models of self-love, reciprocity with others, and compassionate civility toward all.  This takes the entire length of childhood and sometimes long into adulthood to develop.  With hurting children, that last sentence needs to be emphasized: This takes the entire length of childhood and sometimes long into adulthood to develop.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Parents, resist the urge to be in a hurry to get your children across the finish line.  When children are recovering from attachment and abuse trauma, they first need to heal into a felt sense of safety.  Providing safety alone is enough.  Healing is when the child begins to feel inside a sense of safety.  That felt sense comes only after living many years in a safe home with loving, empathic parents.  Yep, years.

Being in a rush for your children to become efficient rule followers, good choice makers, and strong moral reasoners is not only frustrating when it doesn’t happen quickly, but it is also the very thing that will slow felt safety from growing within your child.

Let kindness, acceptance, curiosity, playfulness, structure, and empathy be your overriding parenting principles to bring forth the whole heart and brain of your child.  It will all come online in time.

Be patient. Be patient.  Be patient.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

 

The Parent Is The Responsible Party

Dear Parents:

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating:  Parents, not therapists, are the healers of their children’s attachment and trauma. That is a big responsibility, isn’t it?  Yeah, the word “parent” should be replaced by “guarantor” or something like that.  Maybe “responsible party.”   I say it not as an obvious reminder that your children are your responsibility.  I know you know that.  I’m saying it because I want you to be perfectly clear that therapists, no matter what they think, are not the healers of attachment and trauma in your child–you are.  What therapists can do is support parents to be the Full Spectrum lighting; the Guerilla Glue; and the Neosporin, as it were, to the slings and arrows of painful childhood wounds.

To be the responsible party, you will have to take full responsibility for taking the best care of yourself possible.  Raising your child is a long journey into the dark night of the soul and the bright light of epiphany. Take a serious look at your own trauma, your own story, your own wounds from early life. Up your empathy for yourself, and then for your child.  Become an expert in how a traumatized child experiences parents and how you can become soothing to the dysregulated survival brain your child possesses.  Get respite–rest, relaxation, and recreation.  If your love and empathy are blocked, get unblocked (that is the hardest part).  Love deeply from the inside out.

That is my best encouragement for today my friends.  You can do this.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

 

Lookie, Summer in Sacramento Free Fun

Dear Parents:

Click Here to find out more about Summer Fun with children from difficult beginning in Sacramento.  Enjoy!

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

 

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.