Archive for Parenting Attachment Challenged Children

The Parent Is The Responsible Party

Dear Parents:

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating:  Parents, not therapists, are the healers of their children’s attachment and trauma. That is a big responsibility, isn’t it?  Yeah, the word “parent” should be replaced by “guarantor” or something like that.  Maybe “responsible party.”   I say it not as an obvious reminder that your children are your responsibility.  I know you know that.  I’m saying it because I want you to be perfectly clear that therapists, no matter what they think, are not the healers of attachment and trauma in your child–you are.  What therapists can do is support parents to be the Full Spectrum lighting; the Guerilla Glue; and the Neosporin, as it were, to the slings and arrows of painful childhood wounds.

To be the responsible party, you will have to take full responsibility for taking the best care of yourself possible.  Raising your child is a long journey into the dark night of the soul and the bright light of epiphany. Take a serious look at your own trauma, your own story, your own wounds from early life. Up your empathy for yourself, and then for your child.  Become an expert in how a traumatized child experiences parents and how you can become soothing to the dysregulated survival brain your child possesses.  Get respite–rest, relaxation, and recreation.  If your love and empathy are blocked, get unblocked (that is the hardest part).  Love deeply from the inside out.

That is my best encouragement for today my friends.  You can do this.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

 

Lookie, Summer in Sacramento Free Fun

Dear Parents:

Click Here to find out more about Summer Fun with children from difficult beginning in Sacramento.  Enjoy!

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

 

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

Dad’s Are Bad

Dear Parents:

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Dad’s are badass, I mean.  You are the ever-present man behind the woman behind the kid.  And, in some cases, you are the man behind the man behind the kid.  Sometimes you are solely the man behind the kid.  Every kid needs a dad like you–engaged, connected, courageous, and badass.

You may not get a peaceful Sunday relaxing in the environment of your choosing, but you sure do deserve it. You may even get overlooked in the hubbub of the celebration tomorrow–Where’s Dad?

Rest assured.  You are seen.  You are a gift in the life of your child.  Celebrate your day.  Just like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day is every day.  You matter immensely in the life of your family and you are badass to boot.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

 

Mother’s Day Is Every Day

Hello Parents:

This day has created one of the most iconic pictures of motherhood–all flowers, breakfast in bed, and celebration with curly-haired, dimpled-faced, adoring children gently dusted with pancake flour.  Some of us mothers are getting a version of that today as spouses, friends, and children scramble to create this hallmark image of happiness.  Some of us are trying to do it for ourselves.  Others of us are simply getting through the day.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Wherever you are, however you find yourself on this day elected to honor mothers, know this in your bones: mother’s day is every day.  You are always “bringing it” for those you love.  Some days you can barely brush your teeth at the end of the day, and other times you skip it altogether out of a desperate need to drop from exhaustion wherever you are.  Mothering is in your DNA. You cannot give it up once you have embraced it.  It pushes and prods and pulls you forward into action.  It whispers in your ears day and night how much those around you truly need you.  You cannot give up, let down, or surrender to the challenges of mothering, and you wouldn’t even if you could.  That is your inherent genetic make-up showing forth for your children. You are made of grit and courage, determination and compassion.  You hold the keys to the universe and to the car. You have hands for comforting and for unlocking the box where all the remotes live.  You are made of gorilla glue, two-sided tape, caulk, and baling wire. Like it or not, Mammas, you got this.

Happy Mother’s Day; this day is one among 365 mothers’ days a year.  Go ahead, let loose–celebrate. You deserve it.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

RESERVE YOUR SPOT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on June 9th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  childcare provided for an additional fee. Register here or on our website!

FRIENDS OF AUTISM:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. May 18th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again in August, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on June 13th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

Lies Like Lightning

Dear Parents:

Like a lightning bolt, fear strikes the core of our complex traumatized children in nearly all that they do.

Once I came home from work and walked in the door to my son beginning a lie before the door had even closed behind me.

“I cleaned my room, Mom, but I already messed it up again.”

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

In my world owning up to an ugly truth is difficult, but entirely freeing. For my son, fear strikes his core before he can think of the truth, so the lies shoot out in my face like spring-loaded slinkies–one right after the other in a barely detectable loop-de-loop.

Once quiet again and out of his fear-stricken state, for the 5000th time, I asked him, What could you do instead of lie?

He responds, “Not be afraid.”

Well, can you actually control your fear?

“No.”

Did it occur to you that you could not be afraid by simply cleaning your room?

“Oh.  Pregnant pause. “No.”

This is an executive function problem.  Putting two and two together in a logical order is very difficult for some of our traumatized children. I wish it were different, but it isn’t.

For the 5001st time, Well, you could do your chores or not do your chores. Since you don’t get in trouble for not doing your chores, there is nothing to fear and nothing to lie about either way. Cool, huh?

“I’m really trying Mom.”

I know, Honey. I know. Just go clean your room.

“Okay. Can I tell you about what Mr. XYZ did today?”

Yes, three seconds after you clean your room.

“You’re funny Mom.”

I know, Honey. I know. Go.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

RESERVE YOUR SPOT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on June 9th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  childcare provided for an additional fee. Register here or on our website!

FRIENDS OF AUTISM:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. May 18th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again in August, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on June 13th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

Upcoming Trauma Informed Schools Conference

Dear Parents,

Teachers are a big part of our children’s daily lives.  Often our kids come home at the end of the school day explosive after holding it together with all their might.  Sometimes, they are reacting all over the school, all day, every day.  In Sacramento, there is an upcoming Trauma-Informed Schools Conference.  Start now lobbying teachers, principals, and school counselors where your children go most days to attend.  This is as much a needed as sensory input every two hours for children from difficult beginnings.  Only a trauma-informed person knows that little tidbit.  Isn’t it time classroom teachers and principals in our country became aware that there is more going on behind all the dysregulated behavior than “bad parenting” and “spoiled children”?

Click below for all the details.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love matters,
Ce

Also, Jen Nguyen, LMFT, is officially the mother of two girls–Aria was born on May 6th, 2018. All are doing very well.  Yay!!!   During  Jen’s attachment leave,  direct your inquiries to ce@attachplace.com and feel free to schedule online at: http://the-attach-place.reservio.com.

Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

RESERVE YOUR SPOT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on June 9th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  childcare provided for an additional fee. Register here or on our website!

FRIENDS OF AUTISM:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. May 18th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again in August, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on May 9th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

   

 

 

 

Lagging Skills of Behaviorally Challenging Children

Dear Parents,

lagging skills, behaviorally challenging children, attachment challenged children

I just finished a training on Advanced Regulation Skills for parents of behaviorally challenging children from difficult beginnings.  By “advanced” I meant beyond techniques.  Regulation strategies like jumping on a trampoline, doing some jumping jacks, taking a fast walk with the dog, or spinning on the lawn work for ongoing sensory, emotional, and cognitive integration.  Children need to be doing this kind of thing every two hours no matter how they are feeling.

Advanced regulation skills are all about looking at how parenting activates regulation/dysregulation, how activated attachment styles of parents activate survival brain behavior in children, and really using our brains to investigate the areas of lagging, delayed skills in our children that lead them to “flip their lids” on a regular basis.

Often, parents, I have written about looking at your own personal narrative from birth forward to begin to make coherent pieces of your past that may have been pushed aside in order to move forward and survive the chaos.  Once you take a peek at the past, grieve, heal, and re-evaluate some of those early scripts about yourself and life, you can be freer to accept the reality of parenting behaviorally challenging children without creating the same wounds in them.

Just as often, I have written about learning and using a consistent therapeutic parenting model to allow your safety and predictability to wage war against the fear that is core deep in your child.  This is a truly invaluable step that can get drowned out in the heat of a moment by your insecure early attachment style rising up and sweeping the safety and security right out from under the tentative emotional stability of your children.  You must do your own work to understand yourself and what you are bringing to every interaction with your child.

Right now, I would like to open your eyes, if they happen to be closed, to the fact that our children from difficult beginnings are likely to be emotionally delayed by so much stress hormone (cortisol) to the prefrontal cortex (executive brain function) that their focus is mostly on survival and little on the nuances of being a fully human “being” in a family and society.

“Lagging Skills” is a Ross Greene concept.  If you have read The Explosive Child by the same author, then you already know what I am talking about.  Unfortunately, it is easy to get bogged down in what feels like too much information to make use of the gems in that work.   Even his great website, www.livesinthebalance.org, can feel overwhelming because the materials, while free, are daunting to parse, especially when you have a child who will not let go of your leg or, the opposite, has to be supervised around every corner 24/7. Broken down, lagging skills are gaps in knowledge/life skill.

Problem: Sarah has difficulty getting out of bed for school in the mornings.

Lagging Skill: Difficulting transitioning from one state or mindset to another.

Solution:  Empathize with your child’s difficulty.  Listen deeply with caring.  Let me say that again with emphasis: Listen deeply with caring. Together, investigate the problem from your child’s perspective.  Share the problem from your perspective.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Collaborate: Work together to come up with a solution that works for both of you.  Get agreement to try it; and then, try it.

Encouragement: Specifically acknowledge success.  In failure (the face of persistent lagging skill), go back to the beginning without disappointment, frustration, or anger to empathize with trying and not being able to master it.  Do step one, two, three again.  Don’t give up.  Be safe.  Be predictable.  Don’t give up.  Be safe.  Curb your frustration.  Don’t give up.  Be safe.

Don’t give up.  It takes 400 repetitions to create one new neuropathway.  Don’t give up.  Keep going.  How many repetitions have you really done?  I mean it.  If you are on the tenth rep and not succeeding, you have 390 reps more to go.  Yep, it’s that hard.  If you start today, in a year or so this problem with be solved.  If you give up at 10 reps, you will be fighting this problem well into your child’s adulthood.  Don’t give up.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar (Click Here)

RESERVE YOUR SPOT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on May 5, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm.  Register here or on our website!

FRIENDS OF AUTISM:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. April 21st, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again in June 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on April 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

 

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

   

 

Oprah Dances on The Table About Trauma Informed Care–Yes!

Dear Parents,

I bow down to Oprah.  On CBS Good Morning America today she said she would dance on the tabletop to get people to pay attention to the impact of trauma on the developing brains of children.  If Oprah says it, people will listen. Sunday, March 11th, 2018, she will be airing a 60-Minutes special where she interviews Dr. Bruce Perry on the impact of trauma that you are no stranger to because you are living with it in your home every day of your life in the brain/heart/body complex called your child.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

I am deliriously happy myself that Oprah is talking about trauma-informed care because she is sharing it in exactly the way it should be–trauma-informed.  She knows the impact of trauma from the inside out because she came from difficult beginnings and she does a great job explaining the truth about how trauma is shaping the lives of our children and our society overall.

I hope you catch the 60-Minutes interview but more importantly, I hope you encourage teachers, grandparents, friends, ministers, and anyone with ears to tune in so they can be part of the trauma-informed revolution in their own homes and circles of influence.  We all need to be about getting the word out so our children can receive the support they need in all the agencies, classrooms, organizations, worlds they frequent.

Our children need to be understood by everyone not from a place of “what is wrong with you,” but rather from an insightful place of “what happened to you.”  Simple, but profoundly different meanings that change the focus of approach to dysregulation and disturbing behavior that comes from it.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW CLASS: Advanced Regulation Skills for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings. This class is provided by Ce Eshelman, LMFT for parents of children from difficult beginnings who know the basics of therapeutic parenting and want advanced skills on creating regulation for themselves and their children at home/school.  Come dressed to actively learn. March 24, 2018   9:00am to 12pm   $20.00.  Register Here.

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on May 5 from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

Tell your friends: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. March 16, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again on March 31, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on March 14, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

   

 

Adopted Kids Are Not Predestined Killers

Dear Parents,

In this day of shootings, mass and otherwise, I want you to consider that the fearful behavior of our children from difficult beginnings is not the same as “killing others,” and we parents often conflate the two.  We do that because we are afraid.

Frankly, society has something to be afraid of.  Attachment challenged children who do not receive appropriate, therapeutic intervention, who are also met with abusive, neglectful, avoidant caregivers over the course of their childhoods can grow up to be poorly regulated adults who commit crimes against humanity, amongst which killing is one.  Prisons are indeed filled with attachment challenged criminals.  These grown-ups were children raised by biological parents, relatives, institutions, foster parents, and adoptive parents. Many were misdiagnosed early and mistreated with parenting punishments, poorly conceived mental health interventions, institutional abuse and, ultimately, criminal restraint–locked facilities, grueling treatment programs, brutal wilderness programs, and finally prison.

Foster and adopted children can be mistreated by misguided or abusing carers, as well as any other child can; therefore, an adoptive child can become a criminal, even a killer.  Foster and adopted children are not predestined; they do not start out that way, and they rarely end up that way. Some do. Most don’t.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

When your attachment challenged child lies, steals, hoards, threatens, runs away, hits, screams, and bites, treat it all with a “fix-it” ticket, not a federal indictment. These are lower brain survival skills of traumatized children. When the dysregulated, impulsive acts become better mediated by that part of your child’s brain that governs executive function, survival skills subside and positive, attachment chemistry grows.  The trick is to stay in the longterm, therapeutic parenting game with regulation, patience, and love until the new skills are accessible by your child.  This will take many years.

A big part of appropriate mental health intervention for attachment challenged children is the strengthening of health and mental wellness of the carers.  If all carers received adequate respite; if all received help for their own dysregulation and attachment wounds; most foster and adopted children would heal with therapeutic parenting and wellness practices alone.

Adopting a child does not mean you are bringing home a killer.  Don’t let fear or other people’s fear cause you to fear your child.  Your fear begets fear in your child.  Your child’s fear keeps all the positive things from coming online in the heart and brain of your child.  Felt emotional and physical safety is the key to healing.  Be the key, the emotional and physical safety your child needs to heal and grow into the person you know lives inside.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW CLASS: Advanced Regulation Skills for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings. This class is provided by Ce Eshelman, LMFT for parents of children from difficult beginnings who know the basics of therapeutic parenting and want advanced skills on creating regulation for themselves and their children at home/school.  Come dressed to actively learn. March 24, 2018   9:00am to 12pm   $20.00.  Register Here.

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on May 5 from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

Tell your friends: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. March 16, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again on March 31, 2018.  Click here for more information.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on March 14, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

   

Type A Parenting Begets Stressed Children

Dear Parents:

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Sometimes we parents are seriously Type A toward our traumatized children.  We are forever working our kids to be better, be focused, be kinder, be organized, be mature, be motivated, be “normal.”  Wha?  Our kids by definition are working as hard as they can to figure out how to feel safe in their own skins in their adoptive families. This thing called family life is complex and filled with emotional landmines.

From where your child began, stop and notice how far s/he has come. Give yourselves a little break from bettering every moment. Slow down. There is time.  Every imperfection is not an emergency.  It just feels like it.

Lift your head up from the grindstone.  It’s nice up here.

Love matters,

Ce 

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on February 17th from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

Tell your friends: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. February 16th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group. The 5-wk group will be $120 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again in March, 2018.  Contact Ce at Ce@attachplace.com for more details.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on Valentine’s DayFebruary 14th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.