Archive for Online Therapeutic Parenting

From Dysmaturity to Maturity with Neurodiverse Children

Dear Parents,

One of the realities of raising a neurodiverse child from difficult beginnings is the ever-present challenge of dysmaturity.  That word may be new to you because it is a medical term used to describe a neonatal condition where the baby’s brain has not developed at a typical pace in utero.  Most people prefer to use the term “immaturity” when talking about their children, but I think “immaturity” doesn’t imply brain development, but rather a momentary behavior, such as “My husband can be so immature when it comes to sharing housework.”  This implies that he is otherwise a fully functioning adult man who acts like a teenager when it comes to taking the trash out.

No spouse feels terrible grief about a husband’s behavior when making a quip like that.  Usually kidding or, even if serious, there is no deep well of shame over the situation in the way we, parents, often have; shame when explaining the dysmaturity of our neurodiverse children who chronically display lagging skills; and agonizing bewilderment when regressive behaviors occur in the midst of a group of neurotypical peers.

I remember my 15-year-old son learning to ride a small two-wheeler bike around our neighborhood.  Yes, he was learning to balance at 15, not 7. He would regularly come in with skinned body parts from falling off his bike.  He would also regularly come in saying children chased him and bullied him when he was riding by their houses.  It was only after much discussion that I discovered these were 7-8 year-old-boys. The discussion broke my heart.

My son wanted nothing more than to be a typical boy and yet only found little children to play with who ended up being mean to him. His dysmaturity showed up at some point and then he became fodder.  They had him riding away in true fear. He could have gotten off his bike and stood up because his height alone would have caused them to turn tail—but he didn’t.  He was too scared of these children, half his chronological age, to realize how much bigger and older he actually was.

I used coaching, role play, encouragement, and empathy to help him understand what was happening and to learn how to defend himself by simply standing his ground.  It wasn’t simple for him.

We often rehearsed before he left the house and we debriefed when he came home.  We circled back to the same material many times over the course of two years until he matured in a spurt one day and told me he got off his bike and yelled “Shoo!” at the children chasing him.  He was so proud and triumphant.  I was happy for him, though inside my heart still ached for how hard his dysmaturity was for him.

I wish I could tell you that he never cowered again after that momentous day, but that would be a Sandra Bullock movie.  His life was and is not a movie.  It does have a happy middle though.  Not the story I would have written for him, but one that he is happy with now at 23.

When your child spurts and sputters to get a story out, hides behind a chair instead of playing at a birthday party, growls, hisses and barks during a playdate, tips the board game over when losing, or only finds younger children to play with, take heart. Steel yourself. Regulate. This is not shameful, hopeless, or bad behavior; it is dysmaturity.

Your children need empathy, repetitious coaching, concrete examples, rehearsal, patience, circling back for review, celebrating wins, and you doing your own self-care, so you don’t lose heart on the journey from dysmaturity to maturity.  They do slowly grow.  Our job is to make sure their esteem is intact as they do.

Love Matters,

Ce

P.S.  Join our Love Matters Parenting Society Membership–a Therapeutic Parenting Membership for Thriving While Raising Children from Difficult Beginnings.
Go to www.lovemattersparenting.com to read all about it.

Everyone is welcome to join our free public Love Matters Parenting Group on Facebook

HIATUS: NO SUPPORT GROUP until further notice. ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP is taking time off.  Let Jen know at jen@attachplace.com if you would like to be notified when the support group upstarts again.
If you would like ongoing support, you might be interested in joining The Love Matters Parenting Society above.  Those who are participating are really getting what they came for.  Check it out.

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place.
Open to the public. Every third Monday from 5:30 to 7 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks. This is a  monthly social group for the youth; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. There will also be occasional fun field trips, like bowling, ice skating, roller skating, etc. A donation of $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

 

GIVE A BOOK OF SUPPORT TO A FELLOW PARENT ON THE ADOPTION JOURNEY: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  Buy from Amazon or order a discounted copy here.

Another Online Group? Yep, A Really Good One, But I’m Biased

Hello Fellow Travelers,

In preparation for my upcoming Love Matters Parenting Society monthly online membership, I just opened the doors for online support for anyone who wants to hang out with some pretty cool people.  I mean myself, one staff member, and Karyn (whom you won’t know until you join the group).

Starting new things from scratch is kind of like throwing a party and no one coming.  Oh, that just brought up some very old, painful feelings from my junior high days.  Ick-y.

Anyway, I digress.

You are invited to join the open-to-the-public  Love Matters Parenting Group on Facebook.  Who wouldn’t want to talk to an attachment and trauma therapist and other incredible parents when the going gets tough?

See you in the group.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Hey, will you spread the word and invite some of your peeps?  I really would love to have a robust group of people who are intentionally raising their traumatized children.  Like I have begun saying, “Come for the content and stay for the company.”

 

In This Home

Dear Parents,

A.D., in our Adoption Support Group, sent this to me today and I ordered two on wood for the office, but I realized I could send you a copy and you could have a mini version at home to remind you of everything I have been teaching you.  It is almost as though I wrote it, but I didn’t!

IN THIS HOME

WE ARE TRAUMA-INFORMED

WE CONNECT BEFORE WE CORRECT

WE STAY CURIOUS—NOT FURIOUS

WE UNDERSTAND BEHAVIOR IS

COMMUNICATION

WE BELIEVE IN CO-REGULATION

THAT KIDS REGULATE

OFF THE ADULTS IN THEIR LIVES

WE THINK CAN’T—NOT WON’T

WE EMPATHIZE WHEN SOMEONE

IS FLIPPING THEIR LID

WE BELIEVE IN

RESTORATION—NOT PUNISHMENT

WE BELIEVE THAT RELATIONSHIPS BUFFER STRESS

AND BUILD RESILIENCE

ALL OF US NEED ONE ANOTHER ALWAYS

RESILIENCE MEANS

WE SEE YOU… WE HEAR YOU…

WE ARE WITH YOU…

Download This PDF Now

Or Buy One On Wood Here

Love matters,

Ce

Local Area Events:

September, Friday the 20th & Saturday the 21st, 2019, Attachment Parenting Strategies for Strengthening Attachment with Hurt and Traumatized Children Presented by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Open to the public with registration.

Click here for more information.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TorSDynsg9TMIIPgAMFgscXr0sPCpLxA/view?usp=sharing

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar

Coming soon!  Open enrollment for Love Matters Parenting Mastermind–an Online Therapeutic Parenting Membership for all of you living with children experiencing Complex Developmental Trauma who want to sharpen your skills and become an expert in the healing of your child.

Where are you along the therapeutic parenting success path below? How can this mastermind community support you?

Love Matters Parenting Success Path

If you haven’t already, reply here with the word “Mastermind” in the subject line, so you don’t miss out on registration details.

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public.  NEW DAY: Every third Monday from 5:30 to 7pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks. This is a  monthly social group for the youth; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. There will also be occasional fun field trips, like bowling, ice skating, roller skating, etc. A donation of $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ONLINE ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:   Adoptive Parent Support Group, June 12th, 2019.   Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm online. Open to the public.  If you would like a link to the webinar, reply to this post with Adoption Support Group in the subject line.

GIVE A BOOK OF SUPPORT TO A FELLOW PARENT ON THE ADOPTION JOURNEY: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  Buy from Amazon or order a discounted copy here.

 

 

Summer Activities for Healing Children

Dear Parents,

I know you were hoping I would put out a list of preplanned local activities you could easily snatch up and run with, but you all live in vastly different areas so that would not be helpful to everyone. In most cities and towns (in the U.S. anyway) there are publications just for parents about kid activities and camps in your area.  Definitely pick up a copy for your summer planning.

By summer activities, I am suggesting that you do some novel things that you may not feel you can get to the rest of the year because of school.  Novelty is the way into a brooding, wounded child’s heart.  So, this is about winning back the heart of your traumatized child in case you lost some of your heart cred during the homework, school behavior struggle all year long.

Inexpensive Summer DIY Activities

Go fishing.
Make a picnic basket and eat it at the river.
Sleep in a tent in the backyard or even the front yard.
Make a fire pit and roast marshmallows.
Go geocaching (Google it).
Find a nature walk nearby.
Walk the dog in unfamiliar dog parks.
Hike a bit to a stream and go swimming.
Dine under the stars and lean back to see what is up there in the night sky.
Build a fort in the living room on hot days or outdoors if you can.
Bake stuff together–cookies, mini fried pies, pizza.
Birdwatch.
Squirt the kids with the hose while washing the car together.

What?  You say you want more…?

Name some wildflowers.
Plant a mini garden or a big one and tend to it all summer long.
Build a birdhouse, dog house, kid house, bench, fort, wooden toys together.
Paint flowers on your backyard fence.
Family weed pulling day, with ice cream sundaes at the end.
Invite a few friends over for Root Beer floats.
Put a puzzle together (might take a while).
Spa Day at home with the whole family (Moms and Dads, too).
Pick berries. Make cobbler.
Urban hike through a cool city.
Go to a kid’s museum.
Walk on a beach.
Listen to a concert in the park.
Make homemade, experimental fruitsicles.
Have fun doing anything, even chores.

Your kids might grumble some about the effort involved in having fun together.  Don’t let that stop you.  The memories will be made for a lifetime of stories around the Thanksgiving table. Send me back some I might have missed that you already have planned. Others will benefit from your creativity.

Love matters,

Ce

Local Area Events:

September, Friday the 20th & Saturday the 21st, 2019, Attachment Parenting Strategies for Strengthening Attachment with Hurt and Traumatized Children Presented by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Open to the public with registration.

Click here for more information.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TorSDynsg9TMIIPgAMFgscXr0sPCpLxA/view?usp=sharing

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar

Coming soon!  Open enrollment for Love Matters Parenting Mastermind–an Online Therapeutic Parenting Membership for all of you living with children experiencing Complex Developmental Trauma who want to sharpen your skills and become an expert in the healing of your child.

Where are you along the therapeutic parenting success path below? How can this mastermind community support you?

Love Matters Parenting Success Path

If you haven’t already, reply here with the word “Mastermind” in the subject line, so you don’t miss out on registration details.

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public.  NEW DAY: Every third Monday from 5:30 to 7pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks. This is a  monthly social group for the youth; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. There will also be occasional fun field trips, like bowling, ice skating, roller skating, etc. A donation of $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ONLINE ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:   Adoptive Parent Support Group, June 12th, 2019.   Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm online. Open to the public.  If you would like a link to the webinar, reply to this post with Adoption Support Group in the subject line.

GIVE A BOOK OF SUPPORT TO A FELLOW PARENT ON THE ADOPTION JOURNEY: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  Buy from Amazon or order a discounted copy here.

 

 

THRIVE Therapeutic Parenting Mastermind Membership coming soon!

Dear Parents,

THRIVE Parenting Mastermind Membership is coming soon.

I am so excited and super hard at work creating this online support community for all of you who are living with children with Complex Developmental Trauma.  Where are you along the THRIVE parenting success path below? How can a THRIVE community support you?

THRIVE Parenting Success Path

If you haven’t already, send me an email with the word “Mastermind” in the subject line, so you don’t miss out on registration details.

Love matters,

Ce

The Attach Place Upcoming Events Calendar

SIGN UP HERE: Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held July 2019  from 10 am to 4 pm.  Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Stay tuned for the exact dates.

Girl’s Empowerment Group (ages 9-11): Begins in July from 1:00pm to 2:30pm for four weeks–$30 per session.  Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Andrea Kersten, B.A./B.S. will be using art and improv to create relationship skills for making and keeping friends.

AUTISM Support Group:  Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public.  NEW DAY: Every third Monday from 5:30 to 7pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks. This is a  monthly social group for the youth; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. There will also be occasional fun field trips, like bowling, ice skating, roller skating, etc. A donation of $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  CLICK HERE to join our monthly  Adoptive Parent Support Group, June 12th, 2019.  Childcare provided at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Open to the public.

GIVE A BOOK OF SUPPORT TO A FELLOW PARENT ON THE ADOPTION JOURNEY: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  Buy from Amazon or order a discounted copy here.

Hey Peeps: How Awesome Is This?

Dear Parents:

Click here for a wonderful surprise.  Yay, world, for recognizing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) as a reality!  It’s what we live with every day in the form of our beautiful traumatized children.  

COMING SOON…

Therapeutic ParentingAdoptive Parents

 

Complex Developmental Trauma, Complex Trauma, Be looking out for my upcoming THRIVE Parenting Mastermind Support Circle launch.  THRIVE Parenting is a monthly therapeutic parenting membership to get up-to-date treatment information, therapeutic parenting information, coaching, and community connection/support with other parents for raising your child(ren) from difficult beginnings.

All this for the price of one therapy session. What?  You can’t beat it. You know you are the best therapist for your child, and you also know how hard it is to get the support you need to be your most informed, regulated self. I am so excited to bring this experience to you online, so you don’t need a babysitter–Woot!

If you want to be sure to get registration news, you can send an email to ce@attachplace.com with the word “Mastermind” in the subject line and I will make sure you get THRIVE dates and specifics.  Looking forward to THRIVING together.

Love matters,

Ce