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Archive for Reactive Attachment Disorder – Page 2

When Your Hurt Child “Hates” You

Dear Parents:

Things like this are never easy to hear; unfortunately, you are in the designated hot seat to be the target for:

I hate you.

I hate everything about you.

I wish you never adopted me.

I want to kill you.

I am going to kill you in your sleep.

I hate you and I always will.

 

And then there are the variations on a theme:

I hate how you chew.

I hate your face.

I hate your voice.

I hate how you talk.

I hate your stupid dog (now this is a low blow.)

Shoot, you just wanted to give this child a nice home and a loving family, right?  

Now what?

Blow a big bubble, step inside it, and fill it with empathy for your child’s obvious emotional pain and distress.  Invite a village to surround your bubble, so you have the support you need to do it.

You might think I’m kidding, but I am not.  Empathy in the face of your child’s hatefulness is the ultimate cure.  You have to give empathy over and over and over to your child in order for your child to internalize it as healing salve on a wounded heart. Your anger, punishment, consequences, fear, cut-offs, rejection, dismissiveness, dread, coldness, personalization, and avoidance will feed the cruel wounded beast that has taken up residence there.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

I read somewhere that empathy is the opposite of cruelty. That struck a chord with me.  When my empathy tank is on E, I find myself behaving in subtly cruel ways toward my child. You already know I am not a perfect parent, so be sure to look deep at your own behavior.  You have to name it to tame it, as Dan Seigel would say.  We parent are never justified in being cruel or mean to our children, even if they have been that way to us.

Personally, I shame with discreet facial expressions.  I ignore by reading instead of engaging. I am matter-of-fact and I speak in a flat voice. I withhold eye contact. I am not proud of these things and I work hard to keep my empathy tank on F, but I want to be honest about them so maybe you can look at your own subtle ways.

Our children are not just reactive. They are specifically reactive to us.  Sometimes we are actually doing things that keep the hate alive and not doing enough to heal the pain within.   The solution is incredibly simple and amazingly hard at the same time. Open your higher self to your child and only share your lower self with friends who can understand and be soothing to you.

Over time…   Over time…   Over time, healing occurs.

Love matters,

Ce

 

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on February 17th from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

Tell your friends: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. February 16th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group. The 5-wk group will be $120 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  New groups will begin again in March, 2018.  Contact Ce at Ce@attachplace.com for more details.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on Valentine’s DayFebruary 14th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

 

 

 

                                              

 

Parenting Children Is A Character Builder, For Sure

Dear Parents,

My friend and colleague, Jennifer Olden, LMFT, told me she learned this stuff from me, but she flatters me.  Anyway, she is also one of my writing partners, so I get to read some of her stuff once in awhile.  Today, I received this little essay about parenting her perfectly attached, trauma-free, biological children.  Reminded me, parenting is a wild ride no matter the circumstances.

I am an AMAZING mother

  by Jennifer Olden

Yesterday at the Barrio, our local coffee shop, my 3-year-old, Sam, played Legos independently for 45 minutes while I chatted happily with a friend. 
 
An acquaintance approached and said, “Wow, I don’t want to jinx it but your kid is so well-behaved.” 
 
I responded, “It’s because I’m an AMAZING mother.” 
 
In truth, Sam’s ability to focus and play independently is more about his personality than my mad skills as a parent.  It’s easy for me to see the tenuous relationship between my parenting and his behavior at the coffee shop but when my eleven-year-old daughter was his age, I couldn’t separate the two at all.
 
My sweet daughter is very sensitive.  It’s her strength and I can see that now, but when she was two years old I didn’t recognize the blessing.  Her tantrums are seared into my mind.  For example, I remember the meltdown at the community pool because I brought the wrong bathing suit.  She screamed, cried, and rolled around on the grass.  I remember my hot shame and the overwhelming feeling of failure.
 
I *know* there were parents and grandparents in the vicinity watching her and watching me and thinking, “Wow, your child is poorly behaved.  What have you done?” 
 
I asked myself the same questions: What have I done?  What is wrong with me?  What is wrong with her?  
 
I didn’t know that I was asking the wrong questions.  In a situation like this there are only two questions a bystander or I should be asking:

1) Are you Ok?
2) How can I help?

I wish I could reach through time and put my arm around my previous self and stop asking the questions whose business is it to assign blame for the suffering.  I wish I could orient my mind to the simple and earnest stance of compassion and concern.  So much of life is out of our control. 
 
Sam is basically happy because he’s basically happy and it’s not my genius, or failure, or supreme mental health, or stellar parenting, or top notch abilities as a therapist, or the undeniable fact that I’m a domestic goddess.  It’s just him.  It’s how he plopped onto the planet—a chubby baby packed with joy.  Good for you, Sam.
 
I wish I could go back to that scene at the pool when my first born was crying and screaming in histrionic fits of discontent because of the wrong bathing suit and yell at the woman looking at me from across the pool.
 
I’d yell, “It’s not my fault, expletive, expletive, expletive.  We are sensitive about all things.  It’s our strength and source of compassion.  Why don’t you help me load up my car because as you can see I’m going to have to carry a screaming two-year-old and it’ll be difficult to also pack up the towels and toys and leftover fruit snacks and fishy crackers?  We are made of pure sunshine—my daughter and I—so you should take heed and help us out.” 
 
That would be satisfying. 
 
But I didn’t realize what I now know so I scurried to the car, face red from the sun and embarrassment, and cried alone.    
 
Are you ok? How can I help?  Me too.  That’s what I needed and still need. 
 
Don’t compliment me on my son’s behavior.  I am not in control of it.  I’ve influenced and impacted all three of my children but they have their own soul and life story.  I am here to help them live it as fully as possible; that’s the true meaning of secure attachment.   –The End, The Beginning

Love matters,

Ce

We have joined the 21st Century so you can now book online for The Attach Place:  

 

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on February 17th from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group. The group will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin January 13th, 2018.  Contact Ce at Ce@attachplace.com for more details.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on February 14th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

                                                  

CAFA CAMP Registration–Reserve Your Spot Now

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Dear Parents,

Check this FREE CA CAFA Family Camp out.  You need this more than you realize.  Register today.

Love and Fun Matter,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on February 17th, 2018 from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

JANUARY GROUPS ARE OFFICIALLY FULL!!!!!  Register today for the next session.   5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group. The group will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin March, 2018.  Contact Ce at Ce@attachplace.com for more details.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on January 10th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

Skills Groups for Children from Difficult Beginnings

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Dear Parents,

We at The Attach Place are excited that our upcoming 5-week Friendship Social Skills Improv Groups for 5-7 year-olds are beginning this week. Our children need bite-sized opportunities to practice friendship skills because they do not have the ease of relationship making and keeping hardwired in. As a matter of fact, they have relationship breaking and damaging hardwired in instead from the slings and arrows of difficult beginnings of childhood abuse and abandonment.

Wherever you live, look for social skills groups for your children. Our kids often have so much anxiety in relationships that they are jettisoned into survival mode during play dates or when trying to navigate the playground at school. They need fun ways to learn to be pro-social, rather than consequences for bad behavior resulting from survival brain that they simply cannot help.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar and Other Things in Sacramento…

NEW DATE: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on February 17th from 9am to 4pm.  Register here or on our website!

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group. The group will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin January 13th, 2018.  Contact Ce at Ce@attachplace.com for more details.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on January 10th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

Beautiful Parents of Beautiful Children: Create A Happy New Year

Dear Parents,

This one’s for you.  Oh, they all are.  This whole blog is for you because you deserve attention, care, and nurturing, just as much as your children from difficult beginnings.  See you in the New Year!  Remember the only person you can change is yourself: BE HAPPY.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S.  By popular demand, The Attach Place has a new online scheduling system with appointment reminder emails.  You can still call to make an appointment, but some folks prefer more streamlined access. There it is. Feel free to use it.

 

 Upcoming Events Calendar and Things in Sacramento…

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group and 8 to 10 yrs group.  The groups will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin January 13th, 2018.  Contact Jen at Jen@attachplace.com for more details.

If you haven’t responded to the Capital Adoptive Family Alliance (California residents only) survey about needs you have for your family while raising adopted children, here is the linkFill it out now!  That is my way of encouraging everyone to answer the survey questions to the best of your ability. You can skip anything that you don’t want to answer.  This is a way to get funding channeled to adoptive parents.  Super special opportunity for all of us adoptive families who need financing for services.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on January 10th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

 

Fear or Love? Parenting Developmentally Traumatized Children

Dear Parents,

One of my children was potty trained, in charge of the universe, and talking at 1.5 yrs. The other was 4 yrs. before either of those things happened. I was frightened by both.

One of my children was astute and controlling everything and anything in her worldview. The other was forever a baby, needing help with simple tasks through the adult years. I was frightened by both.

One of my children was cunning and shrewd–survival was the modus operandi. The other was gullible and passively uncooperative–survival was the modus operandi.  I was frightened by both.

One of my children used a 10″ butcher knife to threaten an adult step-brother and to carve a thin line on all the walls about waist high in every room in our house.  The other foreshadowed this years earlier by meandering toward me with a similar blade, which seemed longer than the little arm that was wielding it at the time. I was frightened by both.

My fear made me distant and guarded at the very times my children needed my love.  My children needed me close and my fear walled off my heart.  Survival mode took me over and I became more utilitarian than relational.  I didn’t think I could help it at the time.  As a matter of fact, there was a moment when I looked for the exits.  The ones I found were not really tenable–who would take care of my kids?  I just kept going like an emotionally volatile robot.

I’m telling you this to say, “Me, too.” I’m telling you this to say that I did eventually find a way out of survival mode.

Parents, I implore you, do what you can to find your heart. Go closer. Keep your skin in the game. Fear less. Engage more.”  Fear? Or Love?

That’s easy to say but it isn’t easy to do.  I know.  I truly know in my bones.

If this is happening to you, then you MUST do some things to get out of the rabbit hole of survival mode.  The number one most effective cure for fear that blocks engaged, loving parenting is… Ready?   Regular respite. 

I promise you that is the cure for blocked, guarded-hearted, fearful, survival mode parenting.

In my work, parents tell me all the time that they can’t afford “regular” respite.  I get it; it’s expensive.  And some parents really can’t.  Often though, I notice those same parents taking vacations to Hawaii or Mexico once a year.  I know they scraped up coupons, Groupons, deals, and stuff to make that happen, and I don’t for a second begrudge or judge anyone for desiring a tropical vacation.  I don’t.  What I am wanting you to consider is finding a way to get money to pay for regular respite in the same way you find the money to go on a vacation–beg, borrow, swap, co-op, trade, exchange, barter, and save cans.

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Regular weekly respite will rejuvenate and sustain your emotional life with your children.  The excitement and relief of a vacation with your children may or may not last through the plane ride.  At some point during the vacation, you may even ask yourselves, “What in the @#$! were we thinking?”

Not all parents will regret their tropical vacation midway through.  Let me say this though; the parents who find a way to enjoy vacationing with their children are usually the same ones who found a way to get respite regularly.  “Regular respite” and “enjoying your children” are the main ingredients for making life force biscuits.  Mmmm delicious.

Hey, it’s the New Year, right?  While resolutions rarely survive the first two weeks of January, consider making a weekly respite goal and sticking with it for 21 days (that three weeks in case you weren’t counting).  By that time it will be a habit to save money each week for your life force–the Regular Respite Cure.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events Calendar and Things in Sacramento…

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs group and 8 to 10 yrs group.  The groups will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin January 13th, 2018.  Contact Jen at Jen@attachplace.com for more details.

If you haven’t responded to the Capital Adoptive Family Alliance (California residents only) survey about needs you have for your family while raising adopted children, here is the linkFill it out now!  That is my way of encouraging everyone to answer the survey questions to the best of your ability. You can skip anything that you don’t want to answer.  This is a way to get funding channeled to adoptive parents.  Super special opportunity for all of us adoptive families who need financing for services.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on January 10th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

Bustling Winter Solstice With Children From Difficult Beginnings

Dear Parents,

In times past, dark, cold days and bare tree limbs would signal a time for slowing down and snuggling up cozily with loved ones.  Today, you might find yourself rushing around with pink cheeks, children in tow, trying to squeeze the last drop of holiday bustle out of the light before the shortest day of the year retreats into total darkness.

Whew!  Slow down if you can. Take a breath. Children feel safe and loved when you play with them, look at them sweetly, and laugh out loud with full abandon in their presence.  Tired, grumpy, worn out, holiday weary parents are rarely delightful.  How do I know this?  I learned the hard way.  Here are some things my kids love to talk about when gathered for holiday meals:

Remember when you gave us those toys you made out of clay for Christmas, Mom?  They were so cute.  I remember having a huge fit when one of them broke after I tried to stuff it into a toy car.  That was so fun, Mom!

Remember when Frank (our Black Lab) knocked over the tree?  That was hysterical.  I think that was the first time I saw you cry, Mom.  I couldn’t believe my eyes and I remember us all really laughing at you for crying.  Not very nice, were we?  After a minute, you started laughing with tears squirting out of your eyes.  

Couples Blog

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Mom, remember buying matching Christmas sweaters every year?  Big laughter breaks out all around after someone starts that worn out story because there were never any Christmas sweaters and certainly nothing matching.  That memory is 100% false.  It started when my daughter was around 10 and has persisted now as a joke.  Some might think this a bit crazy–talking together about a memory that never happened.  It is our way of acknowledging that things were just a tad off sometimes around our house, and still are from time to time.  Good to laugh at ourselves than rigidly deny our experiences.

Here is a fact: None of my children ever mentions one single present I ever bought and gave them for Christmas.  All the bustling around is not the stuff of healing.  It’s icing for sure but try very hard not to confuse it for the cake.

Happy Winter Solstice, sweet parents.

Love matters,

Ce

Holiday Cheers to you parents, in case you missed it from all of us at The Attach Place.

Upcoming Events and Things in Sacramento…

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or discounted at www.attachplace.com.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–6-8 yrs group and 9 to 11 yrs group.  The groups will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin in January 2018.  Contact Jen at Jen@attachplace.com for more details.

If you haven’t responded to the Capital Adoptive Family Alliance (California residents only) survey about needs you have for your family while raising adopted children, here is the linkFill it out now!  That is my way of encouraging everyone to answer the survey questions to the best of your ability. You can skip anything that you don’t want to answer.  This is a way to get funding channeled to adoptive parents.  Super special opportunity for all of us adoptive families who need financing for services.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on January 10th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

Holiday Time Is A Dysregulation Time

Dear Parents,

I accidentally erased my blog post so I am trying again.  My passion gets a bit dampened when the computer gremlins go to work undoing my work, but I will raise it back up for you.  You deserve a little boost right now.  Afterall, it’s the holidays!

A prepared parent is a happy one, usually.  Be prepared for dysregulation so it doesn’t throw you off.  Your kids are going to build up into a happy tizzy before all is said and done.  That is okay, right?  This is your real life, your real kids, and the real deal.  Hold structure the best you can, even if Grammy Mildred thinks you are too hard on your babies.  You know it is what they need.  Grammy probably doesn’t get it.  She doesn’t live with them day in and out or she would get it.  Try not to be too hard on those who are living without the daily ups and downs.  When you get advice, thank the advisor and move along.  No need to explain, correct, or enlighten; that will just ruin your holiday.  Take plenty of play breaks with your children.  Get away outside when visiting others for a few minutes to spin or cartwheel or kick a ball.  Take a plastic container of fidgets and sensory objects for soothing.  A weighted blanket can be helpful when you find your child hiding under the table in a rocking fit of shutdown.  Most importantly, remember that your regulation is a wonderful holiday gift to yourself and your children.  Don’t let anyone or anything talk you out of yours.  Merry days my beautiful parents.  I am sending you big LOVE this season and all through the New Year.  Cheers.

Love matters,

Ce

Upcoming Events and Things in Sacramento…

GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.  At Amazon or discounted at www.attachplace.com.

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. January 19, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–6-8 yrs group and 9 to 11 yrs group.  The groups will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin in January 2018.  Contact Jen at Jen@attachplace.com for more details.

If you haven’t responded to the Capital Adoptive Family Alliance (California residents only) survey about needs you have for your family while raising adopted children, here is the linkFill it out now!  That is my way of encouraging everyone to answer the survey questions to the best of your ability. You can skip anything that you don’t want to answer.  This is a way to get funding channeled to adoptive parents.  Super special opportunity for all of us adoptive families who need financing for services.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on January 10th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

 

Holiday Childcare Opportunity in Sacramento

Good Cheer Parents,

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Andrea, our Special Services Coordinator, and a great adoptive parent, Abby, cooked up the idea that parents of children from difficult beginnings have trouble getting out without children in order to prepare for the holidays–that’s a duh to all of you, right?

To that end, in Sacramento, CA, The Attach Place will be providing a low-cost therapeutic childcare opportunity on December 16, 2017 from 2pm to 6pm. Kids will have structured activities (Andrea is calling this a Kids Holiday Party, but we are keeping that under wraps to manage regulation) and parents can have unstructured away time to do what you do (no one will ever know what you actually do).

Contact Andrea@attachplace.com to reserve a space, which, of course, is limited; so jump on this.

The cost is $20 for the whole time for each child.

Love matters,

Ce

 

 

 

 

Upcoming Events in Sacramento…

Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Pizza Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. December 15th, 2017 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Pizza and snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough pizza, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for pizza and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE.  ASD Kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.

NEW!  5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–6-8 yrs group and 9 to 11 yrs group.  The groups will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin in January 2018.  Contact Jen@attachplace.com for more details.

If you haven’t responded to the Capital Adoptive Family Alliance (California residents only) survey about needs you have for your family while raising adopted children, here is the linkFill it out now!  That is my way of encouraging everyone to answer the survey questions to the best of your ability. You can skip anything that you don’t want to answer.  This is a way to get funding channeled to adoptive parents.  Super special opportunity for all of us adoptive families who need financing for services.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on December 13th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

TRY MY BOOK FOR DAILY SUPPORT: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

Adoptive Parents: Please Take This 2 minute Survey!