All weekend I cogitated, marinated, stewed on letting go of everything, only I did it Freudian style, unconsciously. Without realizing it, I set about divorcing everything that I love. Started with trying to pull the plug on my sweetheart of a husband, moved on to my children, cut off a colleague, Dear John lettered another, and finished with a vicious hostile divorce nightmare (during a precious, coveted nap, no less.)
Then, I got confronted (thank you “thera-friendies” all around me) and realized this was all about grief. I am scheduled to put my best doggie friend of 12 years down on Monday and the grief is unbearable. Unconsciously, I started cutting my ties so I would never have to feel this horrible heartache again–EVER. You know, getting all the grief of a lifetime over in one week. That’s possible, right?
I think my unconscious self is about 6 years-old, full of magical thinking and a desperate desire for chocolate. The crying around here has been akin to a marathon meltdown–this time it’s all me.
I’m telling you this because unrecognized, unidentified, denied, repressed or ignored grief about the reality of your life since bringing kids home may leak out in other ways. Grieve what is right in front of you or you might do things you regret Freudian style.
The Attach Place provides a monthly no fee Trust-based Adoptive Parent Support Group in Sacramento, every 2nd Wednesday of each month. Next group is June 10th at 6pm. Come join us. Online RSVP each month required. Child care provided.