Guess you are a bit frustrated at being bombarded with all the bad news and little of the good news. There is good news. And there are strategies. Believe it or not, I think my kids are doing pretty well considering their early childhood and the slightly misanthropic ways of their adoptive mom—me.
For example, my daughter turned 21 last week and there was zero rowdy alcoholic binging. My son, who lost 10 pounds in out of home care and brought home bed bugs, is looking forward to getting to work at the California Conservation Corps and with his sister part time while he waits. My daughter and boyfriend, admittedly with my help, started a handyperson business—Handy Humans. They are working blistered-hands hard every day.
My kids are doing it their way. It is nothing like my way, but it is creative and geared toward the level of skill they have. Given how hard it was for them to get through school and figure out how to be productive in society, I am dazzled and deeply proud of them.
Last week I purchased a serious fixer house in a less than beautiful neighborhood for them to make their own. This is a big step for me and for them. We will see how it turns out. This is y thinking: if I own the house, they cannot get kicked out. I have spent thousands of dollars on deposits, firsts months, and last months to know apartments are not living solutions for my children. They have a hard time following other people’s rules. They have to live and work on their own still.
Maybe one day when more prefrontal executive function kicks in, it won’t be like this. Until then, I will continue to coach them (by request and sometime by parental necessity) on how to live on their own in the world. I will continue to pick up the pieces that sometimes fall around their ankles. I will continue to love them with all my heart. They are my life–my crazy, unsexy, wild toad ride of a life.
Attention regular monthly support group attendees:
Our Monthly Support Group for Therapeutic Parents will not be held on the 2nd Wednesday in September, 2016. We will have an alternative group meeting on the 3rd Wednesday of September, which is September 21st at 6pm at our office at 3406 American River Drive, Ste D, Sacramento, CA. My apologies for not realizing this hitch in the calendar until just now.
You can find my book on Amazon.com or on my website. Don’t forget to leave a review on Amazon.
To sign-up for free Wisdom for Adoptive Parents blog delivered regularly to your inbox, click here.
Follow on Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.