Time for Hindsight

Dear Parent, This morning I found myself thinking about how hard I tried to get both of my children to fit into “normal.”  I wanted them to want the things for their lives I wanted for them. That’s telling, isn’t it? I eventually let go of these wants, or maybe I was forced by the reality of my children’s lives…

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The Holidays Can Be Lovely With Children From Difficult Beginnings

Dear Parents, I just met up with my adult children for a pre-Thanksgiving gathering. I found myself marveling at how they are unfolding.  I mean that.  At 21 and 23, they are adults with lives of their own.  They are happy.  They have interests and friends and places to go and things to do.  They are grown up and I…

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Fix Less, Accept More

Dear Parents, What follows is not criticism.  It is a chance to acknowledge to yourself, “I got this,” or to see you have some growing to do as a parent of children from difficult beginnings.  Personally, I am always the latter, despite all I know.  Here goes. Have you ever been in a relationship where you spent a lot of…

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Sleep Is Key for Parents and Children from Difficult Beginnings

Dear Parents, I know you are well aware that your sleep and your child’s sleep are super important to a happy home. Do you know why?  And, do you know how to set the stage for getting the best sleep?  If you know, don’t read on.  If you are curious, here are the basic facts and a few tips for…

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The Imagination Is Worse Than Reality With Traumatized Children

Dear Parents, As a fellow parent, I know what it is like to be scared senseless by TV movies about attachment challenged children, about News reports of foster children killing parents, and my imagination in the face of truly unbelievable, unrelenting shenanigans by my children. Much of my own dysregulation was caused by my ever-present fear of the future hovering…

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