Coping with All The Feels

Dear Parents, We have to help our attachment challenged children to understand how to think about all the feels.  First, they need help identifying that they are even having a feeling, and then what the name of the feeling is.  Emojis only go so far. It helps to supply thoughts they could have about the feeling, such as “Everyone has…

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Playing Is Not the Same As Playful

Dear Parents, Sometimes I hear parents of traumatized children discuss that situation when their hurting child “turns on them.”  Suddenly, Mom can’t do anything right and Dad is the favorite.  Or vice versa, of course.  After a little listening, I can tell the remedy is more simple than complex.  Unfortunately, I sometimes say to parents something that needs nuance. I…

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Be the Change You Want to See in Your Children–Apologies to Gandhi

Dear Parents, Our children do not cause our poor parenting behavior–yelling, demanding, demeaning, belittling, overpowering, physicality, threatening, arguing, meanness, etc.  Those behaviors belong to us and no amount of attachment challenged child behavior is responsible for our “low road,” survival brain reactions. Because I know in my marrow this is true, I have worked hard to master the art of…

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He Says Hateful Things

Dear Parents, “He says hateful things,” reports a parent expressing vehemently that her child possesses a kind of deep badness.  I get it.  It feels like that when repeatedly a child’s face is screwed up in an angry fist of emotion and the words are dripping with ugliness no one ever wants to hear from the mouth of a child. …

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Fully Immersed in Back to School–Fear for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

Dear Parents, Back to school is back to fear.  The everyday excitement of putting on the new shoes, tees, and backpacks is met with the normal fear of new classrooms, new teachers, new students, new expectations, new routines, new systems, and new things to learn.  Then, BOOM, Dysregulation Nation!  I never heard that on Schoolhouse Rock when I was growing…

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