Big Fat Enabler

Dear Parent,

Hello: My name is Ce, and I am a big fat electronics enabler.  There, I said it.  In January I gave my previously traumatized, attachment-challenged son a new computer for his birthday and he cannot manage it.  I knew that before I did it, and I did it anyway. Yep, that is the definition of an electronics enabler.

Today, I took it away, plus all the other little devices he has stored up over the years.  My son is an electronics addict.  I am an electronics enabler.  Electronics of all flavors interfere with his ability to function, to be responsible, to take care of himself, to engage with others, to care about people, and to care about his life. How in the world could I do that to him?

Well, I wanted to make him happy, and electronics make him happy in a way nothing else does; but that is just an excuse.  He does enjoy other things, when he has no other electronic option.  I am the one who caves to his desires.  I am his enabler.

Unlike other co-electronics-dependents, I am not powerless over this enabling.  I can put my foot down.  I put my foot down.  Quietly, without fanfare, I destroyed all the electronics in his possession.  I have severely disturbed my son.  I can live with that.  He cannot live unless I disturb his addiction.  Done.

My son has retreated to his bedroom, angry with me for my actions.  I told him my actions are acts of love.  And, they are.  They really are.  I love that boy and I don’t like him at all when he is practicing his addiction.  Enabling him makes no sense.  I am a sensible person.  I am now in recovery.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love matters,


The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled for April 23rd and 30th from 12noon to 4pm.  $200 per couple.  Childcare available for $30 each day, second child $10 additional. To sign up email and she will register you.

Monthly Adoptive Parent Support Group is every second Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm to 7:30pm.  Group and childcare are free.
Look for Ce’s Upcoming Book

picture of cover

Drowning With My Hair On Fire

Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents
Drowning with My Hair On Fire is a compilation of over 175 daily support letters to parents of adoptive children and other children from difficult beginnings.  With a forward by Dave Ziegler, Ph.D. and a brief personal memoir, this publication is a response to blog-reader requests for a book of letters that can be easily returned to day after day, when inspiration is hard to find.
Praise for Drowning with My Hair On Fire
This woman saved our family. This book will save your sanity! After years (and many therapists) of getting it wrong, Ce Eshelman got our traumatized family on the right path to attachment, sanity, and big big love. Ce’s unique therapy is grounded in the latest brain research, her own struggles raising traumatized children, and work with hundreds of families like ours. Her stories, contained in this book, are our stories: full of pain, confusion, hope, faith, love and practical magic that really works.
Elaine Smith, Adoptive Mother
Ce’s daily blog has been a lifesaver, particularly when days are most dreary and hopeless.  Not only have her words of empathy proven to be priceless to our family, but I have often forwarded them on to others.  Such a comfort to feel understood, with no judgment.
Patty O’Hair, Adoptive Mother
In a real sense “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” is a daily mediation of struggle, success, failure and getting up and trying again.  If that sounds like too much to subject yourself to then don’t adopt a challenging child.  And one more thing, shouldn’t we require prospective adoptive parents to read “Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents” rather than another ‘All they need is love’ manual?
Dave Ziegler, Ph.D., founder of Jasper Mountain Center and author of many books on raising children from difficult beginnings.



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