Attention Is A Real Need

Dear Parents:

I have a number of children I work with who annoy for attention. Attention is attention to them regardless of whether it is positive or negative.  Some attachment challenged children have difficulty being vulnerable enough to seek attention in a pro-social way.  To do that would be to admit that s/he has emotional needs in the first place.  And some are simply habituated to seeking negative attention.

My son has mastered the art of the ridiculous question to get my attention.  For example, “Mom, I’m wondering why it is that I really like to go to those swim parks. Why do you think I like them so much?”

Out of the blue from another child, “One time when I was visiting my grandmother’s farm the dog farted so loud the cats ran into the barn.”

“Can you see air?”

“I noticed cats have big eyes.”

“Can we talk?  I have a mod and the thingys are cute.  Can I show them to you?”  (What the heck is a ‘mod’?)

“Mom, I didn’t know you were home.  Are you home now?”

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

“Why do I like cauliflower that way and not the other way?”

“The worst thing to call a teacher is Mrs. P.”


Instead of giving the “go away from me” look of annoyance or the sarcasm that might easily roll off your tongue which will leave a hurt in the soft underbelly of your sensitive child, pull him/her (big or small) in for a hug or a close-up of your soft eyes with a love bomb smile.  This is all that is needed:  I love you–now run along and figure that out for yourself.

Attention is a real need.  Don’t be afraid to give it in a pro-social way.

Love matters,



2017 CAFA Conference
Saturday, September 16th, 2017

The goal of this conference is to give adoptive parents, foster/kinship
parents and professionals the opportunity to meet and learn from four
therapists who have worked successfully with adoptive families in the Sacramento area.

9:00 Ce Eshelman, LMFT – How parental attachment patterns impact
parenting challenging traumatized children
10:30 Kate Messina, PhD, LMFT – Identify and coach your child’s
temperament and “protest style”
12:30 Edye Swidler, LMFT – Social Media and your adopted child
2:00 Debra Wiegel, LMFT – The Hidden Disability: FASD and its effects
on the building blocks of relationships: empathy, conscience, and self-control
Location: River Oak for Children, 5445 Laurel Hills Dr. Sacramento
Time: 8:30-9:00 a.m. check-in 9:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m.
Conference Cost: $25 a person, includes lunch
*No childcare available
To register: Go to and click “Training Conference.”
Or send check to 6875 Poca Montoya Dr. Granite Bay, CA 95746
Questions: (916) 834-3700
Capital Adoptive Families Alliance was formed by adoptive parents in the Sacramento area.

CAFA (Capital Adoptive Families Alliance) RESPITE DROP OFF DATE: September 10th, 2017-(Sunday). Time: 10am-3pm. Location: 5445 Laurel Hills Dr., Sacramento, CA.
or call 916.880.0234

NEW:  THERAPEUTIC PARENTING WEBINAR with Ce Eshelman, LMFT: 6-Week Interactive Therapeutic Parenting Webinar, August 1 through September 7, 2017.  IN PROGRESS NOW.

UPCOMING THERAPEUTIC PARENTING CLASS with Ce Eshelman, LMFT: Sign up here for the next day long Therapeutic Parenting Class on September 9, 2017, from 9 am to 4 pm at The Attach Place, Sacramento, CA.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on September 13th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827. Free child care provided.

TRY MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.



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