The Twinkle In Your Eyes Begins With You

Dear Parents:

Listen up beautiful people. If you are waiting for your children to have love in their eyes before you have love in yours, you will be waiting a very long time. Your child’s attachment challenged shenanigans may have drained you of your twinkling eyes and made you into a flat, despairing, and sometimes bitter drill sergeant. I’ve been there. I truly know.  I am not judging you, at all. I get you. I am you. I am you years down the road.  That is the good news because I am not like that anymore.  There is hope.  Hope for you and for your child.

When my kids were younger, I wish someone had bonked me on my head, like a V8 commercial, so I could have had an earlier attitude adjustment.

So, (if you need one) here is my attempt at a “bonk” on your pre-frontal cortex.  If you are a parent who adopted a child, you are your chid’s best hope of finding the buried treasure of love in that damaged heart (a.k.a. pre-frontal cortex.) Have I mentioned that pre-frontal cortex is my favorite set of words? If you know me, you know I have mentioned it–over and over.

Here is the key:

You must make a decision every day to be a loving person. Period.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

No one loves the shenanigans of traumatized children–the mean, hateful, scary, snide, cunning, unrelenting, mind-boggling, mind-numbing, heart-stopping, shitty crap (clinical term) they dish up.  No one is made for that, better suited for that, temperamentally predisposed to that.  So, you wishing you could give up, throw them back, leave them on a corner, put them back on a plane, or relinquish them is very human, understandable, and evidence of the magnitude of grief you feel to the bone.  I wish I could hug you.  I know you need it.

If you consider yourself capable of being a loving person, then “be” that in the face of adversity.  Raising this kind of child is the definition of adversity. There is a payoff.  It is down the road.  Essentially, your love is “paying it forward.”  It will come back to you.  Gandhi said it best, Be the change you want to see in the world. Be the love you want to see in your child.  It starts with you.

Love in the face of adversity is the definition of love.

Love matters,



Reminder: Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Pizza Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. December 15th, 2017 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm.  Pizza will be provided. Please RSVP to so we get enough pizza, right? This is a  monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for pizza and supervision if you choose.

NEW!  5-week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–6-8 yrs group and 9 to 11 yrs group.  The groups will be $20 per session, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too.  Groups will begin in January 2018.  Contact for more details.

If you haven’t responded to the Capital Adoptive Family Alliance (California residents only) survey about needs you have for your family while raising adopted children, here is the linkFill it out now!  That is my way of encouraging everyone to answer the survey questions to the best of your ability. You can skip anything that you don’t want to answer.  This is a way to get funding channeled to adoptive parents.  Super special opportunity for all of us adoptive families who need financing for services.

UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT:  Join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on December 13th, 2017! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.

TRY MY BOOK FOR DAILY SUPPORT: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT.  Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing.

FOLLOW US:  Twitter @lovingradkids and @Attachmenthelp or Facebook.

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