Most of us have held a little baby in the first few months of life, right? Maybe not our own children, but definitely others’ babies. Some of us parents did get to hold our own adopted children when they were tiny little balls of miracle. Remember the preciousness you felt heavy in your arms? So sweet and joyful, even when you are dog tired the preciousness persists.
Our children from difficult beginnings need to experience their preciousness in our eyes and voice long into adulthood. Does that sound ridiculous? It really isn’t. It takes an entire childhood to recover from the loss of a biological parent and the probable abuses suffered. Those early assaults to the delight of a child go directly into the child’s sense of self, their opinions about caregivers, and their beliefs about the world around them.
It is only through your daily expression of their preciousness through your easy tone, predictable kindness, soft eyes, sweet face, safe hands and body, patience, and all things that demonstrate your love in action will they heal. Inside every child, no matter the age, there is a precious little baby. Sometimes we have to do some cognitive reminders of this preciousness when our children’s suffering leaks out in the form of self-protective anger, survival resistance/refusal, and dysregulated flailing bodies. Do your best mindfulness work (Dan Hughes calls this Mind Mindedness) to recover your empathy by endeavoring to focus on the hurting baby within, so you can keep yourself safe all the way through their childhoods.
I didn’t say it was easy. Eh, nope, it is the hardest thing you will do in your lifetime. It was for me. Carry on, dear parents, take care of yourselves and stay kind.
SPECIAL REPEAT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on July 14th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm. Childcare provided for an additional fee. CALVCB will reimburse this training. Register here or on our website!
AUTISM Support Group: Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. July 20th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm. Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE. ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.
NEW! 5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too. New groups will begin again August 4th, 2018. Click here for more information.
UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT: Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on July 11th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.
GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT. Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing. At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.