Like a lightning bolt, fear strikes the core of our complex traumatized children in nearly all that they do.
Once I came home from work and walked in the door to my son beginning a lie before the door had even closed behind me.
“I cleaned my room, Mom, but I already messed it up again.”
In my world owning up to an ugly truth is difficult, but entirely freeing. For my son, fear strikes his core before he can think of the truth, so the lies shoot out in my face like spring-loaded slinkies–one right after the other in a barely detectable loop-de-loop.
Once quiet again and out of his fear-stricken state, for the 5000th time, I asked him, What could you do instead of lie?
He responds, “Not be afraid.”
Well, can you actually control your fear?
Did it occur to you that you could not be afraid by simply cleaning your room?
“Oh. Pregnant pause. “No.”
This is an executive function problem. Putting two and two together in a logical order is very difficult for some of our traumatized children. I wish it were different, but it isn’t.
For the 5001st time, Well, you could do your chores or not do your chores. Since you don’t get in trouble for not doing your chores, there is nothing to fear and nothing to lie about either way. Cool, huh?
“I’m really trying Mom.”
I know, Honey. I know. Just go clean your room.
“Okay. Can I tell you about what Mr. XYZ did today?”
Yes, three seconds after you clean your room.
“You’re funny Mom.”
I know, Honey. I know. Go.
RESERVE YOUR SPOT: Trust-based Therapeutic Parenting Class for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings by Ce Eshelman, LMFT will be held on June 9th, 2018 from 9 am to 4 pm. childcare provided for an additional fee. Register here or on our website!
FRIENDS OF AUTISM: Monthly Strictly Social Autism Spectrum Disorder Night for Tweens (11 yrs – 16 yrs) at The Attach Place. Open to the public. May 18th, 2018 from 5:30 pm to 7:00 pm. Gluten-free snacks provided. Please RSVP to Andrea@attachplace.com so we get enough snacks, right? This is a monthly social group for the children; and caregivers will have an opportunity to connect, chat, and chill in a separate space. A donation of $0.00 to $5.00 will be accepted for food and supervision if you are able, but please don’t let that be an attendance barrier because the group is FREE. ASD kids need a social life and this is a great way to make it happen.
NEW! 5-Week FRIENDSHIP SOCIAL SKILLS IMPROV GROUPS FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA–5-7 yrs and 8-10 yrs. groups. The 5-wk group will be $125 total, CALVCB payment eligible, structured, and fun, too. New groups will begin again in August, 2018. Click here for more information.
UPCOMING ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP facilitated by Ce Eshelman, LMFT: Click Here to join our monthly Adoptive/Foster Parent Support Group on June 13th, 2018! Open to all parents/caregivers at no cost. Support Group is every 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm at 3336 Bradshaw Road, Ste 175, Sacramento, CA 95827.
GIVE MY BOOK FOR SUPPORT TO A FELLOW ADOPTION ADVENTURER: Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman, LMFT. Daily inspirational reading for those who sometimes find it hard to keep hope alive. There is hope for healing. At Amazon or get a discounted copy here.